Generation LMNOP : Episode 2x01 (12) : Pawn Shop Power
Original Draft Completed September 10th, 2003
TEASER
EXT. MIDUS' HOUSE -- MORNING
MIDUS walks out of his house, and meets up with JACKSON. He
pulls out a cigarette and starts smoking.
JACKSON
You know, I had some ice cream
yesterday. It was really good.
MIDUS
Really? What kind of ice cream was
it?
JACKSON
Dude. I'm just kidding. There was no
ice cream. You are SOOO Gullible!
Jackson pulls ahead as Midus slows his pace.
MIDUS
You aren't supposed to joke about
things like that!
END OF TEASER
-------------------------------
2.
ACT ONE
INT. SCHOOL HALLWAYS -- MORNING
MIDUS and VAL are walking down the hallways. She's chipper.
MIDUS
So I told him, sticking a fork into
an electrical socket is the best way
to get rid of the hiccups.
VAL
And he actually tried it?
MIDUS
Well, he did try everything else.
She laughs.
MIDUS (CONT'D)
Needless to say, he didn't remember
the next few hours and lost his
eyebrows, but his hiccups were gone
when he woke up.
JACKSON appears, and waves. He doesn't have eyebrows.
JACKSON
Hey guys.
Val shrieks in terror.
JACKSON (CONT'D)
So Midus. You finally over this
crushin' on Nicole?
Midus raises his eye brows and hits Jackson in the gut
lightly.
MIDUS
Dude!
JACKSON
She already knows. Don't you Val?
Val is covering her eyes as she recovers. She's a bit shakey.
VAL
Don't stare directly at it.
MIDUS
You do realize this means I can never
trust you again.
JACKSON
I think what you'll find out is that
you should never have trusted me in
the first place.
-------------------------------
3.
He stands, sturdy shoulders and crossed arms. As if he's
made the ultimate point in a debate. He nods.
NICOLE walks into the building from the bright outside, and
shakes her hair free. ALICIA RENNER and LUCY SCOTT cut her
off. LAURA is in the background the entire time.
ALICIA RENNER
Oh my god! I love that top on you!
Where did you get it?
Nicole goes to answer, but she can't.
ALICIA RENNER (CONT'D)
Oh, gotta go to class. Talk to you
later, bye!
NICOLE stands there flabbergasted, as LAURA walks up to her.
LAURA
God, this place is filled with one
dimensional stereotypes.
Nicole doesn't look at Laura as she says this. Laura follows
her gaze.
NICOLE
Shouldn't you be anywhere but here.
LAURA
I will. But the thrill of playing
hokey is escaping undetected.
Back to MIDUS, VAL, and JACKSON, who are standing around
MIDUS' locker. He's working the combination.
JACKSON
So, are you still crushing over her?
Cuz I'd thought you'd be over that
by now. I mean, look at me. I'm
crushing over like, five girls right
now.
Midus slams the locker door shut, and Nicole is revealed
behind it. They jump a bit. Laura is behind her.
NICOLE
Jackson has a crush!?
VAL
You know, you can be quite scary at
times.
MIDUS
Yeah. Five of them apparently.
-------------------------------
4.
NICOLE
Anyone I know? And please don't say
Alicia. We don't need a repeat of
last time.
INT. CLASSROOM -- AFTERNOON -- FLASHBACK
MIDUS is standing in the background. JACKSON and ALICIA are
standing there, holding hands. They then break hands. And
they seem to get angry. There's a long pause.
JACKSON
Will and Grace sucks.
She stabs him. He falls over in pain. MIDUS walks over.
JACKSON (CONT'D)
Where's the stunt double?
MIDUS
He's on vacation... Didn't you get
the memo?
JACKSON
If I did, I'd use it to stop the
bleeding.
INT. SCHOOL HALLWAYS -- MORNING
Same as before.
JACKSON
I don't remember the stabbing.
MIDUS
That's cuz you died. You're a cloned
version of the original Jackson.
(laughs)
You're like Ayanami Rei!
(everyone looks)
I need a girl...
Laura walks up, and hooks her arm into Midus'. Midus doesn't
notice.
LAURA
Class?
MIDUS
No really. Where are you taking me?
They walk off. Nicole and Jackson watch.
NICOLE
Did you see that?
JACKSON
Yeah. What an ass.
-------------------------------
5.
NICOLE
I don't think it's fair to call Midus
an ass for letting Laura hook her
arm onto his.
JACKSON
No. I was talking about her ass.
It's brilliant. I just want to smear
some peanut butter and...
Nicole's eyes go a bit wide, and she takes a few steps back.
JACKSON (CONT'D)
(Spanish R roll)
Naughty!
INT. SCHOOL CLASSROOM -- MORNING
Everyone is taking their seats. Ms. Sunday Haas is at the
front of the classroom, dressed to impress. I did type that.
MS. SUNDAY HAAS
Hello children. I'm your new social
studies teacher, Miss Haas.
MIDUS and JACKSON are whispering.
MIDUS
Wait... don't you have to have a
mind to ramble?
JACKSON
Well, you're supposed to have a
mind, and I doubt you could do
anything without one, much less
ramble.
MS. SUNDAY HAAS
You two. In the shirts.
Midus and Jackson look up.
MS. SUNDAY HAAS (CONT'D)
Whisperers. What are you whispering
about?
Midus and Jackson look at one another. Jackson stands up.
MIDUS
Well, we were just discussing whether
or not you have to have a mind to
ramble.
MS. SUNDAY HAAS
Of course.
-------------------------------
6.
JACKSON
Then why do people say mindless
ramble?
MIDUS
Yeah. I mean, you can't do anything
without a mind, so how would you
ramble without one?
JACKSON
Well, I do have this off switch.
Jackson is by the door, and hits the lights. They go out.
MIDUS
Is that supposed to be metaphorical?
JACKSON
I don't even know anymore.
MS. SUNDAY HAAS
You two. I'm going to be watching
you two.
JACKSON
Why, because we're stunningly
handsome?
MS. SUNDAY HAAS
Please turn on the lights and return
to your seats.
JACKSON
(to Midus)
She totally digs us.
MS. SUNDAY HAAS
Now, you're first assignment will be
due tomorrow. I want you to find a
personal object that chronicles your
history as a person.
VAL raises her hand. Haas looks at her chart.
MS. SUNDAY HAAS (CONT'D)
Yes... Nicole?
NICOLE
No, I'm Nicole.
VAL
I'm Val.
JACKSON
(high pitched voice)
No, I'm Val!
-------------------------------
7.
I think that light switch DID affect
your brain.
EXT. SCHOOL CLASSROOM -- AFTERNOON
A bell rings. Kids exit. Among them are MIDUS and JACKSON.
They walk, and once off school grounds, Midus pulls out a
cigarette.
JACKSON
You're still smoking?
(pause)
Shouldn't you have learned a valuable
lesson by now?
They reach Jackson's house. There's a bunch of police cars
and his mom is sobbing. Jackson races up as Midus watches.
JACKSON'S MOM
Oh Jackson! They took everything!
MIDUS
You had possessions?
JACKSON
They took everything?!
Jackson races into the house, ignoring Midus. Midus stands
there, awkwardly, as a Cop is filing a report.
MIDUS
Where were you guys to do your job.
POLICE OFFICE
Today was our day to chase the
Indians. You should be blaming the
cowboys.
Long Pause.
MIDUS
Well, at least you didn't make a fat
joke.
INT. JACKSON'S BEDROOM -- AFTERNOON
JACKSON rushes into the room. It's basically bare. He just
sits there for a bit, and then begins searching.
JACKSON
Where are you.
He throws his mattress off, and then just sinks. Midus appears
behind him.
MIDUS
Wha-whatcha doin'?
-------------------------------
8.
JACKSON
(Near tears)
What do you think Midus? Searching
for the candid camera.
MIDUS
I don't think there is a candid
camera.
JACKSON
Then what? All my stuff is gone?
(pause)
So, where is this karma you always
speak of. Am I going to get five
strippers to felate me yet or does
it come in the mail. Like, six to
eight weeks.
MIDUS
Jackson... I think this is your karma.
JACKSON
... I'm intrigued. Continue.
MIDUS
Well, you are a huge dick. Maybe
karma paid you back through bad means
instead of good?
JACKSON
Maybe you're right. Maybe I should
be nicer to people, treat women like
high priced cars instead of slices
of cheese.
There's a long pause.
JACKSON (CONT'D)
What, they're still objects. Just
more expensive.
END OF ACT ONE
-------------------------------
9.
ACT TWO
INT. MIDUS' BEDROOM -- MORNING
MIDUS is sleeping. The phone rings next to him. He wakes up
groggily and answers it.
MIDUS
Hello?
PERSON
Hi. You aren't up yet?
MIDUS
Wha... who the hell are you?
PERSON
You're not my son!
Dialtone. Midus just stares at the phone for a while before
his head hits the pillow again. That's when Midus' Mother
enters.
MIDUS' MOTHER
Son? It's time for school.
MIDUS
Can't you send someone else?
MIDUS' MOTHER
It doesn't work like that.
MIDUS
Then why did I elect a representative?
MIDUS' MOTHER
Just get dressed.
MIDUS
This is why democracy doesn't work.
INT. SCHOOL HALLWAYS -- MORNING
MIDUS and JACKSON are walking. Val appears. Jackson pulls
out a monocle, and looks at her through it.
MIDUS
Who in their right mind owns a
monocle?
JACKSON
Well... me.
(pause)
It's for when I... there's really no
point.
Jackson heads off, and Midus grabs Val by her wrist and pulls
her to the side of the lockers.
-------------------------------
10.
VAL
Oh yeah! I was watching this show
last night. You'd love it. Freaks
and Geeks.
MIDUS
Yeah, seen it.
VAL
You've seen everything. Is there one
show you haven't seen at least one
episode of?
MIDUS
Survivor. Anyways.
VAL
Really? Cuz they voted this guy out,
he was the biggest idiot ever. He
actually cleaned his clothes in the
drinking water.
MIDUS
That's great.
VAL
Can you believe it? I mean, the nerve
of that guy.
MIDUS
Val! I don't care. Now, are you gonna
help me or what?
VAL
Help you with what?
MIDUS
I... thought I told you what was
going on.
VAL
No you didn't.
MIDUS
I didn't? I coulda swore...
VAL
You didn't. We got started on
Survivor. And you'll never believe
what Kelly did.
At this point, Midus is at the end of his ropes. He has banged
his head onto the locker and rested it. As he says his lines,
he throws his arms out in frustration.
MIDUS
If it's anything but get naked, I
don't care.
-------------------------------
11.
EXT. STREETS -- AFTERNOON
MIDUS and VAL are walking. Noticably, there are shops behind
them. Film stores. Music stores, small diners, coffee places.
The works. This is main street.
VAL
What are we doing here?
MIDUS
Please don't make me go into
exposition mode.
INT. PAWN SHOP -- CONTINUOUS
They walk inside. EDDIE SCOTT POSER is yelling at MARK.
EDDIE SCOTT POSER
You are NOT allowed to talk anymore...
you may only... dance!
MARK
Okay.
EDDIE SCOTT POSER
Hey! Answer in the art of dance!
MIDUS/VAL head to the counter. Val turns toward Eddie.
VAL
Hey guys. Whattya doing here?
EDDIE SCOTT POSER
I'm buying more things to juggle...
cuz my hamster died.
VAL
You were juggling your hamster?
EDDIE SCOTT POSER
NO! I would never!
Long pause.
EDDIE SCOTT POSER (CONT'D)
Okay, I would, always.
MARK
That wasn't your hamster, it was
mine!
(sad)
I called him speedy...
EDDIE SCOTT POSER
We don't want to hear the life story
of your hamster I accidently threw
(MORE)
-------------------------------
12.
EDDIE SCOTT POSER (CONT'D)
into a ceiling fan. Save it for the
funeral.
(to Val)
Anyway. Do you have any spare teeth?
(Off her looks)
It's for a science project.
MIDUS
Okay, we're looking for some "shady"
individuals.
PAWN SHOP OWNER
I work in a pawn shop.
MIDUS
I know that. What's your point?
PAWN SHOP OWNER
You're going to have to be a bit
more specific.
EXT. MAIN STREET -- AFTERNOON
Midus and Val are walking.
MIDUS
Man, we've been all over and we still
can't find it.
VAL
What are we looking for...
They see an Adult Book store.
VAL (CONT'D)
Oh wow! Look at that. An adult
bookstore. I wonder what reading
level they're at.
Midus just can't respond.
VAL (CONT'D)
I bet they have War and Peace.
MIDUS
The smelly kid?
VAL
War AND Peace Midus. Not Warren
Peace.
(pause)
Let's go in!
Before Midus can say anything, Val has grabbed him and dragged
him inside.
-------------------------------
13.
INT. ADULT BOOKSTORE -- CONTINUOUS
Val and Midus enter. Midus is trying to tell Val to leave,
as a store clerk is shocked and begins to walk to them. Val
looks, and she sees anal beads.
VAL
Why would anyone want to buy this?
I mean, you can't even play baseball
because these balls are tied together
on a string...
EXT. MAIN STREET -- CONTINUOUS
Val and Midus are ushered out.
MIDUS
Let's go home.
VAL
Are we defeated?
MIDUS
Not only are we defeated Val, but
our ear's been bitten off.
INT. MIDUS' BEDROOM -- AFTERNOON
Midus is on the computer, and Val is standing overtop of
him, playing with some figures of his.
VAL
What are we doing here?
MIDUS
We're looking for some more pawn
shops in the- God Damn Bill Gates to
HELL!
The computer has locked up. Duh.
INT. HEAVEN -- FLASHBACK
BILL GATES is standing there, fumbling his fingers. JESUS
is behind a desk, looking at a computer screen.
JESUS
I'm sorry Mr. Gates, but that was
the 804,402,503,868,283rd person to
damn you to hell.
(checks list)
Hey! You're worse than Hitler!
INT. MIDUS' BEDROOM -- AFTERNOON
They're back.
-------------------------------
14.
MIDUS
Hey, wait a second.
(pause)
I got it!
VAL
Got what?
Midus pulls Val off screen by her shoulder.
VAL (O.S.) (CONT'D)
Because I've now got a seperated
shoulder.
END OF ACT TWO
-------------------------------
15.
ACT THREE
INT. SCHOOL HALLWAYS -- MORNING
JACKSON is standing outside of the girl's locker room door.
He takes two looks around, and then goes toward the door.
JANITOR
Excuse me. Son? That's the ladies
room.
JACKSON
Can't you turn a blind eye? I have
to get something from inside for
show and tell.
JANITOR
Oh, I know what you want to show,
but you're not telling anyone about
those poor girl's panties!
JACKSON
I understand.
(points)
OH MY GOD! A GIRL IS VOMITING!
(stops)
I didn't think they did that.
JANITOR
I'm not fallin-
Vomit sounds. The Janitor turns, and Jackson runs inside.
He drops a tape recorder as he does. The Janitor turns back,
and picks it up.
JANITOR (CONT'D)
DAMN YOU REVERB!
INT. CLASSROOM -- MORNING
JACKSON is sitting at his desk, hiding something visually.
MIDUS and VAL walk in, all smiles. Midus sits behind him
and pokes with each Jackson word said.
MIDUS
Hey Jackson... Jackson Jackson
Jackson... Jackson... Jackson, please
respond. My index finger hurts.
Jackson.
VAL
Jackson. You better turn around.
(sighs)
I'm not screaming your name.
JACKSON
I can get you a bed if that'll make
you more comfortable.
-------------------------------
16.
MIDUS
Did... I miss something?
INT. JACKSON'S BEDROOM -- AFTERNOON
JACKSON is in bed. VAL is there. She climbs in.
INT. CLASSROOM -- MORNING
MIDUS/VAL/JACKSON
MIDUS
How come I don't believe that.
VAL
Consider the source.
JACKSON
I really need to learn how to doctor
photos. Then you'd believe my crazy
lies.
MS. SUNDAY HAAS calls attention as the bell rings. MIDUS
plops JACKSON'S Lock box on his desk. His eyes go wide in
shock.
MS. SUNDAY HAAS
Hello class. I hope everyone has
their Physical Recordings ready.
(notices)
Jackson? Is something wrong?
MIDUS
He's finally realizing that "I can't
believe it's not butter" isn't butter.
JACKSON
I don't believe it.
MIDUS
See?
JACKSON
You found my lock box!
MIDUS
Way to change the subject Jackson.
JACKSON
I could hug you Midus!
MIDUS
Val helped me out.
JACKSON
You did? Oh man! I could grope
you!
-------------------------------
17.
VAL
(disbelief)
You could what me?
JACK BREAKER comes to the front of the class. He drops his
trout on top of the desk.
JACK BREAKER
This... is the fish I hit people
with.
MS. SUNDAY HAAS
Uhmmm... why?
BREAKER has no answer.
JAKE WALKER walks up. He has a cooler in his hand.
JAKE WALKER
Uhmmm... This is my snow that I bought
from Jack earlier this morning.
It's a recording of... this morning.
MS. SUNDAY HAAS
Excuse me?!? You brought SNOW into
this classroom?
JAKE WALKER
Well yeah!
MS. SUNDAY HAAS
That is unacceptable! I'm calling
the princ-
She has walked up and opened the container. She stops when
she sees it's actual snow.
MS. SUNDAY HAAS (CONT'D)
Wait, this is actual snow?
JAKE WALKER
Yup. What did you think it was?
Crack cocaine?
MS. SUNDAY HAAS
Well, yes.
JAKE WALKER
Guess you got SNOW IN YOUR TROUSERS!
MS. SUNDAY HAAS
Metaphorically.
JAKE WALKER
Oh wait. No. I'm the one with snow
in his trousers. See?
He reaches in and throws a snow ball at Scott.
-------------------------------
18.
JAKE WALKER (CONT'D)
You'll never catch me!
He runs out of the classroom and Scott chases him.
JACK HARMEN walks up,time machine at the front of the room.
JACK HARMEN
This is my time machine. It allows
me to go anywhere and anytime in
history. So it's a physical recording
of all time.
MS. SUNDAY HAAS
If this is really a time machine,
why don't you go back into the past
and stop Hilter from killing all the
Jews?
Pan over to see an old man in a beard, the guy from the
Gremlins movie. He simply shakes his head.
JACK HARMEN
I'm told that would disrupt the
present. BUT! You'll be happy to
know that I go back in time and bring
Jesus to the present.
MS. SUNDAY HAAS
What?
JACK HARMEN
Well, how else would he know he's
going to be resurrected? Magics and
sorcery? I bet you're not Christian!
MS. SUNDAY HAAS
I am and you offend me!
She gets hit with a dodgeball. Tony Davis appears.
TONY DAVIS
What? You were taking too long.
JACK HARMEN
Then shouldn't you have hit me with
your dodgeball?
TONY DAVIS
I have more balls.
EDDIE SCOTT POSER appears. He has a Burger King crown.
EDDIE SCOTT POSER
This is my crown. I got it at the
Burger King in Poland, Norfolk,
Virginia, and I crossed off the word
(MORE)
-------------------------------
19.
EDDIE SCOTT POSER (CONT'D)
Burger, and wrote Poland overtop.
It's a recording of my heritage as
my rightful heir to the Poland throne.
MS. SUNDAY HAAS
Mr. Poser. Are you as stupid as you
are delusional?
EDDIE SCOTT POSER
Uhmm.... yes?
NOAH HAWKINS appears.
MS. SUNDAY HAAS
Noah Hawkins, what did you bring for
us today?
He looks around, and grabs a piece of chalk off the board.
NOAH HAWKINS
I brought this piece of chalk.
MS. SUNDAY HAAS
Hmmm.
NOAH HAWKINS
(angry)
You're lucky I'm at least trying to
fake I did the assignment.
He sits down.
ALICIA RENNER appears, video tapes and all. They're in a
wheelbarrow.
ALICIA RENNER
These are my video tapes of Will and
Grace. I even have the first season
on dvd!
MS. SUNDAY HAAS
That's... great. But what are they
recording to you?
ALICIA RENNER
Well duh. The tv show!
JACKSON
Or her stupidity.
ALICIA RENNER
You're only mad because you only got
to first base!
-------------------------------
20.
JACKSON
And you're mad I blinded you on
Thursday last semester for your
precious Will and Grace! Made it
CAN'T see tv, didn't I!?
MS. SUNDAY HAAS
Jackson. Would you like to share
with the class your recording?
JACKSON
Is that an actual question or one of
those questions that aren't a
question, but a demand?
MS. SUNDAY HAAS
Just get up there.
JACKSON walks to the front of the class. ALICIA and JACKSON
stick their tongues out at one another.
JACKSON
Well, I was going to show you all
this girls panty that I took from
Midus' mom after I was done with her
last night.
(laughs)
Just kidding. No. I stole that
from the girls locker room. But
instead, I'm going to show you my
lock box.
He opens the box.
JACKSON (CONT'D)
This has all my old things. Tickets.
Small memorabilia, keepsakes.
Reminders. And the Country's surplus
of course.
MIDUS
Yes! Al Gore reference!
VAL
You do realize that that wasn't Al
Gore, but a parody of Al Gore.
MIDUS
It was?
AMY BENDER walks up, and she has a box in her hands.
AMY BENDER
This is my box full of deadly African
spiders. They symbolize the time in
my life I was goth.
She goes to open it, everyone screams.
-------------------------------
21.
NICOLE
Amy! What are you doing!
AMY BENDER
Well, I'm showing you. I can't do
show and tell without showing! I
coulda just left the box at home
then.
MS. SUNDAY HAAS
This isn't show and tell! This is a
record of personal experience!
MIDUS
Yeah, no one's believing that trite.
Outside, in the halls, Professor Ination flies by. Joey Malone
is right behind him.
PROFESSOR INATION
I'd like to get down now!
MS. SUNDAY HAAS
Well Midus, if you think no one's
believing that trite, go up to the
front of the room and present.
JACKSON
Dude, she just said she's getting
you a present.
MS. SUNDAY HAAS
I said present! Verb not noun!
JACKSON
There's a difference?
Midus heads to the center of the room. He pulls out a
sweatervest. The one he wore to homecoming. He takes a deep
sigh, and begins.
MIDUS
This was the hardest assignment that
wasn't supposed to be hard in the
history of hard assignments that
shouldn't be hard assignments. I
probably didn't need that last
assignment in there? Whatever. Listen,
this is the vest I wore to Homecoming,
this year. It was a fun night, I got
to enjoy some fine company, had a
dance with a wonderful woman...
JACKSON
Shhh! You're ruining your chance
with Miss Haas... but wait, that
means I can have her all to myself!
-------------------------------
22.
He lets out a giddy glee.
MIDUS
And the truth is, I knew I'd be jaded
about high school. But I wasn't
prepared for when I wasn't.
Some sappy music plays. Midus looks at Nicole, and she catches
his glare and he looks away. He takes a seat, and passes
Jackson, who has a tape recorder in his hands.
JACKSON
Wow! My tape recorder from the
Metallica concert where they sung
all ballads!
(to self)
Why the hell did I keep this?
Lars Urlich appears.
LARS URLICH
I'll take that!
He snatches it, and runs away.
INT. OPEN FIELD -- AFTERNOON
LARS URLICH is throwing gasoline onto a carpet, which has
the tape recorder inside. He rolls up said carpet, dumps
some more gasoline on top, and then lights it on fire. He
then pushes it over a cliff, where it falls onto a single
beaver. The earth gives way.
INT. EARTH'S CORE -- AFTERNOON
The flaming carpet falls into the earth's core, and keeps
going all the way to the other side. It comes out...
EXT. RUSSIA -- NIGHT
... in Russia, plopping out of the ground from the bottom
and rising to the top. There are a bunch of Russians dressed
in parkas in the cold.
FACELESS RUSSIAN
(in Russian)
A source of heat! Three cheers!
It then plops back down into the hole, and the Russians sigh
in defeat.
Over Credits
The rug continues to fall through the core, and hits earth
side once more, where it flies up and lands on Lars Urlich,
who is currently counting diamonds in a space suit.
END OF ACT THREE
Main Script Writer and Creater: Thomas Ford
Script Doctor: Tim Kelly