EXT. STREETS -- NIGHT
Rain splashes down from the skies as a single foot smashing
into a puddle, splashing the water around and blurring the
frame. Heavy breathing is heard as MIDUS STEELE runs down
the alleyways. He's been beaten and bloodied. His eyes
suddenly go wide as the frame stops.
MIDUS (V.O.)
That's me. Midus Steele. But this
never happened.
The action picks up again as MIDUS hits a wall just off
screen, and he falls to the floor.
MIDUS (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Are you interested in my life yet?
INT. MIDUS' HOME -- MORNING
Dishes lay uncleaned as tons of paperwork seems to have piled
up. MIDUS STEELE, 14 and sarcastic, walks down the steps of
the apartment, almost knocking over a pile as he does. He
catches the pages before they topple over. His mother, late
thirties with reading glasses and a stare that would only
come after ten coffees and an all nighter, looked at her
son.
MIDUS' MOTHER
Midus. Son, are you ready for your
first day of high school?
MIDUS
Not really. I've got a lot of things
to do today. I've got that bank to
rob and then tv. Lots of daytime
tv. Where else can I watch Game
Shows?
MIDUS' MOTHER
Midus.
MIDUS
Yeah, I know, the game show network...
(pause)
Fine. Just, Can I get a ride?
MIDUS' MOTHER
Sure.
MIDUS
Great. Pick me up in front of the
bank.
Midus goes to leave, but MIDUS' MOTHER clears her throat.
MIDUS' MOTHER
Eat some breakfast before you go.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
2.
MIDUS rolls his eyes, and grabs a cereal bar.
EXT. MIDUS' HOME -- MORNING
MIDUS walks out of his house, looks at the cereal bar, and
throws is to his side over the fence into the neighbors yard.
He sees JACKSON, a 14 year old with no sense of boundaries,
and catches Jackson's stride.
JACKSON
I'm gonna start a band. You in?
MIDUS
Don't you have to play an instrument?
JACKSON
Silly Midus. You obviously haven't
been listening to the Radio much
lately.
EXT. SCHOOL -- DAY
The High School is displayed in all it's glory as a voice
over plays over the shots to establish the setting and some
classmates. MIDUS and JACKSON walk into frame and we follow
them walking around the school grounds, running into their
future class mates. EDDIE SCOTT POSER is forcing MARK to
juggle dangerous objects. JACK HARMEN is standing in front
of a large snow cone machine, while JOEY MALONE floats in
mid-air.
MIDUS (V.O.)
So, welcome to my life. I'm Midus
Steele, and I've lived in the same
area for the past ten years of my
life. Anything before that is a bit
of a haze. You know, since Time has
the ability of destroying the past.
INT. SCHOOL HALLWAYS -- DAY
MIDUS and JACKSON enter the school hallways.
MIDUS (V.O.)
I'm quite nervous, the whole first
day syndrome running rampant through
my mind. Hence my internal monologue
displayed for all to see. Which is
never a good thing, considering my
imagination is rooted in lunacy,
running rampant like a locomotive
that... runs rampant. Although I
try to control myself. Keep my mind
to a task, unless I'm bored...
tired... eating or awake.
ALICIA RENNER, NICOLE LARSON & LUCY SCOTT are in their
cheerleader's outfits, practicing a few cheers as NICOLE
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
3.
doesn't seem interested. JACKSON checks ALICIA RENNER out
as they pass.
MIDUS (V.O.) (CONT'D)
That's my best friend Jackson. We've
been close ever since Elementary
school. In fact, I doubt we've ever
had a class where the other one wasn't
present. Luckily, our schedules are
the same this year, but I've heard
horror stories about high school,
where people get different classes
than their friends. Meet new people?
Pfft. If I wanted to do that, I'd
get addicted to something and go to
it's Anonymous meeting.
INT. SCHOOL CLASSROOM -- DAY
MIDUS and JACKSON walk into the classroom, and look at the
name tags on the desks to find their seat. MIDUS is the
first to be successful, so JACKSON sits next to him.
MIDUS
How come I doubt that's your seat?
JACKSON
Probably because it's...
JACKSON checks the name listed.
JACKSON (CONT'D)
Valerie McKierson.
MIDUS
You don't have the chest to pull
that off convincingly.
JACKSON covers his chest.
JACKSON
Stop Looking at them!
(pause)
I'm thinking about surgery.
VAL
Hopefully it's some sort of lobotamy.
JACKSON
Funny... Funny.
(to Midus)
She's funny.
(to Val)
You're funny.
VAL
You're in my seat.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
4.
JACKSON
Oh no, see, this isn't your seat
anymore. This is my seat now. THIS.
He pats his own lap.
JACKSON (CONT'D)
...has been deemed your new seat.
JACKSON winks at her. VAL gives MIDUS a look.
MIDUS
Don't look at me. I can't explain
him. The only thing I got is that
he's stupidier than a chimp.
JACKSON
I told you, that chimp cheated!
INT. OTHER SCHOOL CLASSROOM -- AFTERNOON
JACKSON and a CHIMP are doing a timed test. A TEACHER sits
at the front of the classroom and a bell goes off.
TEACHER
Time's up, Pencil's Down.
The teacher walks over and grabs Jackson and the chimp's
test.
TEACHER (CONT'D)
Uhmmm... Jackson? The only thing you
wrote on this page is, and I quote,
"That mini-skirt would look hot on
my floor. I'd..."
She trails off reading.
TEACHER (CONT'D)
I'm not quoting anymore, but the
paper is then filled with explitives.
The Teacher looks almost disgusted. Jackson shrugs his
shoulders.
JACKSON
Yeah. That's half my vocabulary.
The chimp starts going on a rampage.
TEACHER
I'm sorry, but since you didn't write
down your name or answer any of the
provided questions, I'm going to
have to give you a zero. Which means
that you lost to a chimpanzee.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
5.
JACKSON
I got beat by a CHIMP on a
standardized test?!?
TEACHER
The chimp did at least provide his
name.
The teacher shows Jackson the chimp's test.
JACKSON
(Angry)
This is just covered in poo!
TEACHER
Well, what do you expect of Feesis,
the POO THROWER?
JACKSON
Oh that DOES it!
Jackson lunges at the chimp and takes him down. They roll
around the floor, as the fight goes off camera.
JACKSON (V.O.) (CONT'D)
AH! He's doing something wrong in my
eye!
INT. SCHOOL CLASSROOM -- CONTINUOUS
VAL is still standing, as MIDUS and JACKSON still sit in
their seats.
MIDUS
I'm Midus, and this... well, I guess
his name is Valerie, since he's in
your seat.
JACKSON
Name's Jackson. Jackson Kechs.
Remember it for later when you're
screaming it in my bed.
VAL
I've got my rape whistle just in
case.
She pulls out a whistle.
JACKSON
Awesome.
MIDUS
Is that really a rape whistle?
VAL
Not really. It's just a regular
whistle. That I can do this with.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
6.
She blows the whistle into Jackson's ears, which sends him
sprawling, arms flailing as he falls out of Val's chair.
She takes her seat. JACKSON gets up, and dusts himself off
awkwardly, before pondering something.
JACKSON
Hey, are we done with school?
MIDUS
No.
JACKSON
Oh God. That means this ringing's
all in my head.
MIDUS
It's like a little man with a triangle
in your mind.
JACKSON
I'm not doing geometry.
MIDUS
Nevermind.
MIDUS and VAL catch looks, and Val gives him a slight smile.
That's when the bell actually rings and that seems to cure
JACKSON of his buzzing. MR. ANDREWS, the homeroom teacher,
enters the room.
MR. ANDREWS
Hello everyone. I'm Mister Andrews,
your homeroom teacher. I'll be
handling the day to day changes in
the first day of your high school
career.
He looks off fondly.
MR. ANDREWS (CONT'D)
I remember my first day at the big
time. I mean, how could I have
forgotten. One minute I was worried
about finding a class and then next
minute I was buttering her breasts
with barbeque and honey sauce as we
sailed down the Egyption Condo,
screaming her name, MISS CHEMISTRY
TEACHER, MISS CHEMISTRY TEACHER!
The class reacts as they should, a bit weirded out and much
silence. Crickets chirp as a tumbleweed rolls in from off
screen and knocks EDDIE SCOTT POSER, dressed in a robe and a
burger king crown, up against the wall.
MR. ANDREWS (CONT'D)
Let's head to our lockers.
(MORE)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
7.
MR. ANDREWS (CONT'D)
Take the slips of paper on your desks
and come with me. The combination
will be on the back of that index
card.
The kids begin to walk out of the room. EDDIE SCOTT POSER
is still flailing on the ground.
EDDIE SCOTT POSER
SOMEBODY SAVE ME FROM THE SPIDER!
Everyone leaves, as a large spider appears from behind the
door. He rubs his 'hands' together, as Poser makes a
squeeking sound of fright.
INT. SCHOOL HALLWAYS -- DAY
MIDUS is messing around with his locker, unable to get the
thing working. He's growing frustrated by the second. He
smacks his hand against the door, and the one next to him
swings open, grabbing his attention. He looks over and sees.
EXT. POOL SIDE -- EVENING
NICOLE LARSON is in a swimsuit now, climbing out of the pool
and shaking her hair loose. She rubs her hands up the small
of her back to unzip her suit, as she just stops in mid-zip.
NICOLE LARSON
Ride me like a pony.
INT. SCHOOL HALLWAYS -- DAY
MIDUS is drifted into his thoughts.
MIDUS (V.O.)
I coulda swore I've never seen
whatever movie that just came from.
There's still a long awkward pause of them just looking at
one another.
NICOLE LARSON
I said... are you like, Tony?
Midus shakes his head to clear it.
MIDUS
What? No. No. I'm Midus.
He extends his hand, she takes it.
NICOLE LARSON
I'm Nicole. That locker's Tony
Davis'. You're probably on the wrong
side.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
8.
Midus looks at his card.
MIDUS
If only things were that simple.
Nicole smiles a small bit as MIDUS swings around her to his
locker and begins fiddling with the knob.
NICOLE LARSON
So Midus huh? That's an unusual
name.
MIDUS
Yeah, there's a whole story behind
it.
INT. DOCTOR'S OFFICE -- FLASHBACK
The DOCTOR is delivering MIDUS with MIDUS' MOTHER and MIDUS'
FATHER looking on.
DOCTOR
Awh Mr and Mrs. Steele, it's a BOY!
The Doctor inspects the baby.
DOCTOR (CONT'D)
And he seems to be wearing a cheap
gold ring.
MIDUS' FATHER
So that's where my wedding ring went
to.
He grabs the ring and puts it on his own hand.
MIDUS' FATHER (CONT'D)
Thank you Doctor. Thank you so much!
(to mother)
See honey? I told you I didn't lose
it at the strip club.
INT. SCHOOL HALLWAYS -- DAY
MIDUS and NICOLE just stand there, awkward as neither of
them really understood the story that MIDUS just told. MIDUS
returns to his locker and begins to fiddle again, before
succeeding.
MIDUS
Alacazam.
NICOLE LARSON
Very nice.
A MAGICIAN enters the frame.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
9.
MAGICIAN
YOU'VE given away the secret of the
locker! FOR THIS YOU SHALL PAY!
The MAGICIAN gains fire behind him as he speaks, and becomes
more angry and red as he goes. Back to reality, as MIDUS
hands him a quarter.
MAGICIAN (CONT'D)
Awesome. I'm one fourth of the way
to milk!
He walks away.
INT. LUNCHROOM -- DAY
JACKSON is wandering around the lunchroom after having paid
for his food. Tray in hand, he scans the room, and sees
MIDUS, sitting with VAL and dining. JACKSON walks up to
them with tray in hand, and wishes to Sit down but can't.
He places his tray on the edge of the table.
JACKSON
Yo, what's up with this?
VAL
It was an empty seat. It is a free
country last time I checked.
JACKSON
This is why the republicians should
be in power.
EXT. MOUNTAIN TOP -- FLASHBACK
An ELDERLY MAN pulls out a sword from brick.
ELDERLY MAN
I have the power!
INT. LUNCHROOM -- CONTINUOUS
MIDUS and VAL stare slackjawed at Jackson.
MIDUS
Okay. I have a list of things that
are wrong with that. First off,
they are in power, and second off,
you're not republician.
JACKSON
First off, ha, see, I can use your
little listing trick too. Second
off, I am a republician from this
moment on. And Third off, I can't
believe you people would let Skeletor
take over this country! You liberal
peace makers make me sick!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
10.
He walks away. MIDUS and VAL just converse.
VAL
He does realize Skeletor is a
fictional character, right?
MIDUS
If anyone would know, it would be
me. But even I'm not sure anymore.
JACKSON reenters the picture, chair in hand, and sits at the
edge of the table.
JACKSON
I just realized that Skeletor is a
fictional character. Go on.
A bunch of hall monitors in the background get all angry and
go to charge forward, but wind up crashing into one another.
No one says anything in response to Jackson's thoughts.
MIDUS
Have you seen that Nicole girl?
JACKSON
Chick with the huge rack?
MIDUS
No.
JACKSON
Smaller rack?
MIDUS
No.
JACKSON
Medium sized rack.
MIDUS
Yeah.
JACKSON
Oh yeah, she's hot.
VAL
You mean Nicole Larson?
MIDUS
Yeah. You hear anything about her?
VAL
No. Well, yes. I heard that there's
something about her, but I don't
know what that something is. So I
only have vague third person
information for you.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
11.
JACKSON
So, I was watching National Geographic
the other day.
MIDUS brings out a Zippo and starts to try to lit JACKSON on
fire by his pants.
JACKSON (CONT'D)
What are you doing.
MIDUS
You lied.
JACKSON
So?
MIDUS
So... I'm lighting your pants on
fire.
JACKSON
That's not a literal phrase...
JACKSON gets up and starts to try put out his pants. He
begins to roll on the ground.
MIDUS
It should be. This is hilarious.
VAL
Shouldn't you be helping him?
MIDUS
And miss out on freshly roasted
marshmellows? Where are your
priorities?
INT. SCHOOL HALLWAYS -- LATER
MIDUS and JACKSON are walking down the hallways as VAL has
left. JACKSON begins to mumble under his breath.
JACKSON
Damn commie pinko liberal evil Satan
spawn-
INT. SCIENCE LAB -- CONTINUOUS
They enter, and VAL is there.
JACKSON
BITCH WHORE MONGER!
MIDUS
Dude!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
12.
The bell rings and JACKSON and MIDUS take their seats.
PROFESSOR INATION gains attention at the head of the
classroom.
PROFESSOR INATION
Hello class, welcome to Science.
Our curriculm this semester will be
the combining of physics and chemistry
for a broad overview. You'll be
working in groups for a few projects
throughout the semester, one of which
will be due next week. I'll be
splitting you into groups of four
with sub groups of two inside.
A hard cut reveals the four, MIDUS, VAL, JACKSON, and NICOLE
all together in a group.
VAL
So, which one of us is God punishing
by placing us together?
EXT. HEAVEN -- FLASHBACK
GODD is sitting at his desk, with a nameplate displaying the
name "GODD@GOODRULES.COM." GODD is going through papers and
is checking them.
GODD
Take MY name in vain will you!
He crosses their names off the list. Then an ANGEL walks
in.
ANGEL
Godd! That's the wrong list. That's
the good people. They shouldn't be
getting coal!
GODD
Are you saying that GODD is wrong!?
That the G-O-Double D is wrong?
Well he's not. He's never wrong.
He's infailable... He's also not
Santa Claus.
GODD points at the ANGEL, who erupts in flames. SAVIL walks
in, eating an apple. SAVIL has a lisp.
SAVIL
And I'm the evil one.
INT. SCIENCE LAB -- CONTINUOUS
Same Setting as before.
MIDUS
Why are people constantly burning?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
13.
VAL, NICOLE, and JACKSON simply give MIDUS a look of
disbelief.
NICOLE LARSON
So hi, I'm Nicole.
VAL
Val.
VAL and NICOLE shake hands.
JACKSON
Medium cup! I'm Jackson!
He shakes her hand, she gives him a look of "huh."
NICOLE LARSON
Hi Midus.
MIDUS is stunned.
MIDUS
You remembered my name.
PROFESSOR INATION
So class, what did you learn about
each other? Let's go around the
room and say one thing about your
group mates.
He walks over to the group.
PROFESSOR INATION (CONT'D)
(mumbles)
Revolving door of miscreants. Name
tags would be great...
(aloud)
So!
He looks at his notes.
PROFESSOR INATION (CONT'D)
Jackson... let's start with you.
What did you learn about your group
mates?
JACKSON
Two of em have breasts?
PROFESSOR INATION
You are... technically correct.
JACKSON
Although three of them have pus-
CUT TO:
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
14.
EXT. SCHOOL -- LATER
MIDUS and NICOLE are walking, while VAL is handing JACKSON a
slip of paper. VAL leaves in the background as JACKSON walks
behind MIDUS and NICOLE, listening to their conversation.
NICOLE LARSON
Do you want to get started on the
Chemistry project tonight?
MIDUS
I'm not really a do work now kinda
person. I'm more of a putting it
off as long as humanly possible and
scrambling at the last moment to
complete kinda person. It dates
back to my great great great tons
more great grandfather C.
Procrastinator Steele.
(looks off fondly)
He was great.
INT. CONNETICUIT -- FLASHBACK
NEWSPAPER, April 15th, 1775. A CHILD is playing with a rifle
up in an attic, while C. PROCRASTINATOR STEELE lifts the
paper off the table and begins to read it.
WIFE (O.S.)
Honey. Can you make sure Junior is
safe?
C. PROCRASTINATOR STEELE
I'll get right on it.
He's still reading the paper, when a single shot is fired,
loud, and a few thousand muffled shots fire out afterwards.
C. STEELE's eyes go wide in horror.
EXT. SCHOOL -- CONTINUOUS
MIDUS shrugs his shoulders.
MIDUS
See ya at 8?
NICOLE smiles and leaves. JACKSON walks up.
JACKSON
Dude, tap that ass like some sort of
tapper.
INT. STAGE SETTING -- FLASHBACK
Some guy is on stage with a spotlight in a low lit comedy
club. He's tapping his thumbs all over his body to make
music.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
15.
EXT. SCHOOL -- CONTINUOUS
MIDUS groands.
MIDUS
You know, all I hear when you talk
is static.
JACKSON pulls out a large sign that says "You're a Douche."
MIDUS (CONT'D)
Sticks and stones may break my bones
but words will never hurt me.
JACKSON shrugs and starts beating MIDUS with the sign.
MIDUS (CONT'D)
AH! The words are hurting me! All
I was taught is a lie!
INT. MIDUS' HOUSE -- EVENING
MIDUS is nervous. It's about 7:30 and he's wearing a light
jacket. He's pacing...
MIDUS
Boy, I really wished I'd smoke so I
could have something to take off the
pressure...
(pause)
I wonder if my mom has any more
scotch.
(laughs)
Probably not after LAST Christmas.
INT. MIDUS' HOME -- FLASHBACK
A year earlier, MIDUS has a bottle of scotch and JACKSON is
playing with a Zippo. The scotch flies onto JACKSON which
lights him on fire.
MIDUS
I'll get the marshmellows!
JACKSON is rolling around the floor howling in pain as MIDUS
simply steps over him.
INT. VAL'S HOME -- EVENING
JACKSON and VAL are sitting at a table, arguing.
JACKSON
Do you trust me Val?
VAL
Of course I don't.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
16.
JACKSON
Well, then why are you TRUSTING ME
with work? Honestly, you should
just do this entire thing yourself.
My last name is spelled K-E-C
VAL
Jackson, we just have to think this
through.
JACKSON
I'm already done with my part Val.
I gave it to you. Man... you're
such a slow poke.
VAL
No.
JACKSON
Why can't I do what the weasels do!
VAL
And weasel outta things?
JACKSON
Hey. That's good. I was gonna say
pee in a tree, but no, that's way
better.
INT. NICOLE'S HOME -- EVENING
MIDUS is sitting on a couch as we hear the opening to a dvd.
NICOLE sits down, showing the movie Tommy Boy, which MIDUS
nods to in approval.
MIDUS
So... What is Chemistry?
NICOLE LARSON
I'm not sure. It involves atoms I
think.
MIDUS
That's nuclear physics.
NICOLE LARSON
What's Nuclear Physics.
MIDUS
I dunno, but it involves atoms.
Nicole smiles a bit, as MIDUS shifts in his seat
uncomfortably.
MIDUS (CONT'D)
Maybe we should get a dictionary.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
17.
NICOLE LARSON
Or a chemist.
INT. VAL'S HOME -- LATER
VAL and JACKSON are having a heated conversation.
VAL
No Jackson! Think outside the box!
JACKSON
(Angry and Confused)
What does that even MEAN!
INT. OFFICE MEETING ROOM -- FLASHBACK
JACKSON, now older, sits in his office desk, along with other
business men around him.
BUSINESS MAN #1
You gotta think outside the box!
JACKSON
Okay.
JACKSON walks off screen to the confusion of the business
men. He returns with a large large cardboard box, places it
down on top of himself.
JACKSON (CONT'D)
(slightly muffled)
Now I'm in a bleeding box! Happy?
Now I'm going to think OUTSIDE the
box.
The box jumps a little bit off the ground from Jackson trying
to break through the top. There's a thud as well then shortly
after, before the box rocks onto it's top side, causing the
original opening to be blocked.
JACKSON (CONT'D)
Uhhhhh... need a lamp here.
INT. VAL'S HOME -- CONTINUOUS
JACKSON and VAL like before.
JACKSON
I don't know why I suddenly became
british there.
They both think long and hard "why."
INT. NICOLE'S HOME -- LATER
MIDUS and NICOLE are much later. A pizza was ordered and
eaten. They're both enjoying the movie in a comfortable
silence.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
18.
Until it gets so comfortable that it becomes awkward. Both
have twitchy eyes and MIDUS noticably is sweating a small
bit.
INT. OFFICE ROOM -- MOVIE
The view is of the Movie, where a MOBSTER is standing behind
a desk angry.
MOBSTER
I want his family DEAD. I want his
business associations DEAD. I want
his friends, DEAD. I want his gardener
(long pause)
Doing the bushes out in the front of
my home. I want his neighbors, DEAD!
INT. NICOLE'S HOME -- CONTINUOUS
MIDUS and NICOLE.
MIDUS (V.O.)
I don't remember this part of the
movie.
He sheeply smiles towards Nicole.
INT. VAL'S HOME -- CONTINUOUS
JACKSON is laying on a couch, obviously not working. VAL is
sitting, tapping her pencil against her notes.
JACKSON
Hey, remember that time I went back
in time?
VAL
No. Mostly because that's impossible.
(pause)
But also because I just met you today.
JACKSON
Oh
(pause)
Right.
There's another awkward silence.
JACKSON (CONT'D)
Remember when I shot Kennedy?
EXT. MTV SET -- FLASHBACK
KENNEDY, the MTV VJ, is looking through her notes. That's
when the door opens behind her dramatically.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
19.
JACKSON
(Angry and angrier)
Kennedy.... WE MEET AGAIN!
He flinches for a cheap shot but we don't see it.
INT. VAL'S HOME -- CONTINUOUS
VAL and JACKSON. VAL sighs.
VAL
Someone kill me now.
DR. KEVORKIAN appears.
DR. KEVORKIAN
It would be my pleasure!
JACKSON
(childish "question")
Doctor Kevorkian! Where did you come
from!
DR. KEVORKIAN
I am death's fatal handshake. The
black cloak of doom. The shadow of
destruction. I am absolute. I am
everywhere. I am everything...
Pause.
DR. KEVORKIAN (CONT'D)
And your door was open.
JACKSON stands up holding a picture of the Golden Girls.
JACKSON
Euthanize THIS!
DR. KEVORKIAN
Believe me. I've tried.
He notices something on the table which takes his look away
from JACKSON and VAL. He looks at them and back toward the
table three times before being so filled with joy when he
speaks.
DR. KEVORKIAN (CONT'D)
Is... that dip?
He reaches his fingers in and eats some.
JACKSON
I sure hope it was dip.
VAL
Don't you need a chip?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
20.
DR. KEVORKIAN
And dimish the taste of fantastic
salsa?
He scoffs, and walks away. JACKSON then turns to VAL.
JACKSON
I like monkeys!
VAL groans, slamming her school book shut as she walks away.
JACKSON (CONT'D)
No, seriously. I really do like
monkeys.
(Trying to prove)
Here, I drew one here while I was
busy pretending to do actual work.
JACKSON holds a picture of OPTIMUS PRIME.
VAL (O.S.)
That's NOT a monkey.
JACKSON
(defending)
He can turn into one!
INT. NICOLE'S HOME -- CONTINUOUS
MIDUS and NICOLE are watching the movie a bit closer now.
There's a bit of awkwardness still, as MIDUS and NICOLE both
reach for a chip. Their hands meet for a split second before
they both pull back.
MIDUS
Sorry.
NICOLE LARSON
My fault.
NICOLE picks up a chip, and MIDUS follows her lead.
MIDUS (V.O.)
Man... She's.... Man. She's beautiful,
and, a-and she's really here. You're
watching a movie together... what
you're supposed to quote and unquote
watch while dating... And you're
within an arm of her. So what do
you have to lose.
He sighs.
MIDUS (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Besides Pride of course, my fragile
ego, my frail sanity, and possibly
an arm if she really took offense.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
21.
We see NICOLE still sitting, as a thought bubble of what
would happen appears above her, describing NICOLE pulling
off MIDUS' arm.
MIDUS (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Then I'd be Midus ONEARM Steele,
waving around my hands like I just
don't care. But wait a second. I
won't be able to wave my hands. I'll
only be able to wave around my hand!
And THAT'S not cool. But if my hand
WAS ripped off, I could qualify for
the special olympics. And I'm ten
times faster than any other
parapalegic out there!
NICOLE turns toward MIDUS.
NICOLE LARSON
What are you thinking about?
MIDUS
(Trying to think)
Uhmmmm... You really want to know?
NICOLE LARSON
I asked.
MIDUS stammers. He thinks. A couple of options appear FAMILY
FEUD style next to him. "What do men say they're thinking
about?" The answers are revealed as they are said.
NARRATOR
Okay, answer number four... YOU!
Answer number three... the stars!
Answer number two... the MOVIE! and
the number one answer for America?
A delay, and then a ding.
NARRATOR (CONT'D)
FAMILY FEUD!
NICOLE LARSON
Midus? Are you still there?
MIDUS
Louie Anderson.
NICOLE LARSON
You're thinking about the guy that
hosted Family Feuds.
MIDUS
No no no. The fat guy.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
22.
INT. VAL'S LIVING ROOM -- NIGHT
JACKSON is balancing a bunch of plates all over his body.
He's also on one leg, very much like a Dr. Suess book.
JACKSON
See! I told you I could balance your
Family's entire China set.
VAL
I never said you couldn't, I said
you shouldn't!
JACKSON
Oh, this makes my proving you wrong
slightly less meaningful.
And that's when he collapses, breaking everything.
VAL
Who didn't see that coming?
Jackson raises his hand from the wreckage.
INT. NICOLE'S LIVING ROOM -- NIGHT
MIDUS and NICOLE are working on the project together.
NICOLE
So, what other bands do you listen
to besides the Stripes?
MIDUS
You know, basics. Radiohead, Phantom
Planet, Alkaline Trio. And the not
so basics. Postal Service, Mars Volta,
the Pixies.
NICOLE
Those are basics?
INT. VAL'S LIVING ROOM -- NIGHT
VAL is just staring JACKSON down. Jackson sits there, looking
at his paper, and then turns to Val, whom he noticed staring
at him.
JACKSON
What?
VAL
Nothing. I'm just expecting SOMETHING
to happen.
JACKSON
What? Are you expecting me to screw
up again? Cuz I'm not the stupid
klutz like all seem to believe I am.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
23.
Jackson puts his foot up on the table, but it's glass, so
his feet smash right through it.
JACKSON (CONT'D)
I'm gone.
Jackson picks up his feet and books and leaves asap.
INT. NICOLE'S LIVING ROOM -- NIGHT
The movie is coming to a close, and NICOLE is watching
intently, but MIDUS is staring at Nicole out of the corner
of his eye, his head resting on his arm that's perched on an
arm rest. Nicole notices, and Midus fumbles.
NICOLE LARSON
What were you doing?
Midus sighs.
MIDUS (V.O.)
This is everything I’ve ever wanted.
My entire life, every time I saw the
first star in the evening sky, I
wished for this moment to come. What
do I have to lose?
There's a slight pause.
MIDUS (CONT'D)
Nothing.
NICOLE LARSON
Nothing?
MIDUS
(dejected)
Nothing.
NICOLE LARSON
I'm gonna go get some wedding cake.
She walks away. MIDUS is a bit disheartened.
MIDUS (V.O.)
How am I supposed to find the one
you're supposed to be with if you
never try...
INT. SCIENCE LAB -- LATER
MIDUS and NICOLE are presenting.
MIDUS (V.O.)
So that's the story of my first day
of high school.
(MORE)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
24.
MIDUS (V.O.) (CONT'D)
If this is the last time you ever
see me, I should probably tell you
where the story ends.
INT. OVAL OFFICE -- DAY
STYLISTIC SHOT : These are are done quick quick to barely
catch glimpses of each shot.
The President is being held at gun point by SARAH JONES. She
shoots. VAL dives and saves him, but is shot.
EXT. ROLLAR COASTER -- AFTERNOON
JACKSON is riding a rollar coaster. Once it begins to descend,
JACKSON flies out of the ride and to the ground.
EXT. BASEBALL FIELD -- AFTERNOON
MIDUS is sitting in the stands when a player swings and the
bat goes flying and knocks him upside the face.
INT. BIRD HOUSE ZOO -- EVENING
NICOLE is standing inside the bird house, as the birds begin
to fly towards the glass like in the movie BIRDS.
NICOLE LARSON
You know it's bullet proof!
INT. OFFICE MEETING ROOM -- EVENING
VAL is an executive, shaking hands with someone in the
foreground before in the background, JACKSON walks by in a
bathing suit holding a margerita. This is all done during a
press conferance. He waves.
INT. MOUNTAIN TOP -- EVENING
MIDUS has reached the top of the mountain. The ELDERLY MAN
still sits there.
MIDUS
You're still here?
ELDERLY MAN
I can't get down...
He lowers his head in shame.
INT. SCIENCE LAB -- CONTINUOUS
Back to normal speed, as VAL and JACKSON do their
presentations.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
25.
MIDUS (V.O.)
Or, you know, what could happen.
(pause)
It probably won't though.
END OF ACT
OVER END CREDITS
JACKSON appears in a circle as if he were apart of the Looney
Tunes.
JACKSON
B-B-B-B-That's all folks!
The circle around him expands slightly and contracts, before
warping itself around Jackson's neck.
JACKSON (CONT'D)
AH! It's choking me! Get it off. GET
IT OFF!