Generation LMNOP : Episode 2 : Campstore Hijinx
Original draft completed as of November 21st, 2003.
Revised Edition : Completed May 26th, 2004
EXT. MIDUS'S HOUSE -- MORNING
MIDUS walks out of his house, and JACKSON is standing there.
He picks up Midus' stride.
MIDUS
Wow... I can't believe OJ got off.
JACKSON
Why are you bringing this up now?
It's been...
Jackson checks his watch.
JACKSON (CONT'D)
A bunch of years.
MIDUS
It's just finally sinking in
JACKSON
If the glove don't fit, you must
aquit.
Midus glares at Jackson, and then the scene follows Midus to
the side and pulls Jackson off screen. Midus gets a
vindictive look on his face, and pulls out a knife, before
making a stabbing sound followed by a thud. He looks shocked,
down towards his hands, and immediatly grabs a cell phone
out of his pocket, which pushes a winter glove out alongside
the crime.
MIDUS
Get me Johnny Cochrane! What do you
mean he's busy?... No I don't want
Robert Blasier!
Sirens are heard in the background, and Midus gets seriously
freaked.
MIDUS (CONT'D)
Oh God... the Feds!
Midus runs off screen. The camera follows him, as we see
the knife actually sticking in a tree. Jackson looks at the
knife, and then the fleeting Midus with utter confusion.
JACKSON
And here I thought I could never be
silenced.
END OF ACT
----------------------------------------------------------------
2.
ACT ONE
INT. SCHOOL CLASSROOM -- MORNING
JACKSON and MIDUS enter the class room, taking their seats.
MIDUS sits in front of a kid named EDDIE CHENO. Midus pulls
out a book and tries to read, but Eddie taps him on his
shoulder.
EDDIE CHENO
Yo Midus mang! I be tradin' dis
funken cupcake fer yer foreign fries
mang!
MIDUS
Eddie? We're in English Class.
EDDIE CHENO
And wat mang, ya can't be tradin'
food in funken English class? Wat
funken country be we livin' in yo!
America or... funken carpel tunnel!
MIDUS
... Yes Eddie. We live in Carpel
Tunnel.
EDDIE CHENO
Nah... nah mang. Ya be trippin' yo.
MIDUS
First off Eddie, I don't have French
Fries. Second off, you don't have a
cupcake. And finally, I'm trying to
skim last night's English assignment
before class starts, because that's
how I do my homework.
Midus turns around, scoffing as he returns to his book.
Cheno however, just has a confused look on his face.
EDDIE CHENO
Who be stealin' my funken cup cake
mang!
The English teacher, ELLIOT A. RACEY walks into the room,
and commands the attention of the class just as the bell
rings.
ELLIOT A. RACEY
Alright folks, settle down. Today's
assignment was to read chapter one
of Lord of the Flies.
Jackson leans over to Midus.
----------------------------------------------------------------
3.
JACKSON
Who the hell would want to be Lord
of the Flies?
MIDUS
... a Giant Bullfrog?
JACKSON
He commands fear by cannibalism.
Like Jeffrey Dahmer!
EXT. ISLAND -- DAY
A GIANT BULLFROG stands on a throne. Flies buzz around him.
He eats a few of them. Camera pans over to JEFFREY DAHMER,
who's eating his own leg.
JEFFREY DAHMER
I hate deserted islands. There's no
ass to eat.
(He slaps his knee)
Oh the double entendre!
INT. SCHOOL CLASSROOM -- CONTINUOUS
MIDUS just stares at Jackson, confused.
JACKSON
You know, because Dahmer was gay,
and a cannibal...
ELLIOT A. RACEY
So, in the first chapter, the main
character's find something on the
beach. What did they find?
Jackson raises his hand, and is promptly called on.
JACKSON
The shattered remnants of the Statue
of Liberty?
There's an awkward pause.
JACKSON (CONT'D)
You know. DAMN YOU DIRTY APES!
INT. OUTSIDE THE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE -- MOMENTS LATER
JACKSON sits outside, obviously annoyed. He's kicking the
heels of his foot into the ground.
JACKSON
Who knew you could get in trouble
for QUOTING something. But like
everything I do in my life, I blame
it on someone else. This case?
Creative Hollywood Producers.
----------------------------------------------------------------
4.
OLIVER BEENE shows up and kicks Jackson in the shin, before
running away.
JACKSON (CONT'D)
Hey you little KICKBALL, I wasn't
TALKING about you!
EXT. SCHOOL YARD -- LATER
MIDUS and JACKSON are dressed in PE style clothes, as is
VAL, who is walking alongside them. They're walking along a
track on a wider view.
VAL
So, you guys are going camping this
weekend, huh?
MIDUS
Yup.
JACKSON
Pretty much.
VAL
Just don't get lost.
Val elbows Midus in the side playfully, just as Jackson drops
off frame.
MIDUS
They have so many tools nowadays
that no one, and I mean NO ONE, could
POSSIBLY, get lost in the woods.
Pan to Jackson, whose leg is caught in a bear trap in the
middle of the track, and his cell phone on the ground, just
out of his reach.
JACKSON
Little help?
MIDUS
Well, practically no one.
VAL
There goes Jackson proving you wrong
again.
MIDUS
Yeah. What's up with that? He always
winds up doing that. He's so self
involved.
Val nods as if she agrees, and Jackson lets out a little
growl.
----------------------------------------------------------------
5.
JACKSON
Hey JERKWARDS, Stop with the chatter
and HELP me.
Jackson glares as Midus and Val reluctantly help him.
VAL
So, what happened in the Principal's
office?
-INT. PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE -- EARLIER
JACKSON is sitting in front of the Principal's desk, who
looks remarkably like Principal Feeny from Boy Meets World.
PRINCIPAL FEENY
Now Jackson, we can't have people...
Jackson cuts him off, standing to his feet.
JACKSON
I am made of LIGHT!!
Jackson begins to glow, and glows so bright the entire room
turns white, and only Jackson remains. He smiles, satisfied
with what he's done, and leaves the room calmly.
EXT. SCHOOL YARD -- CONTINUOUS
Same scene as before, except JACKSON is out of the bear trap,
and he's walking with a slight limp alongside MIDUS and VAL.
VAL
Okay, now tell the version of the
story where you AREN'T on crack.
MIDUS
This is still better than the time
he got drunk in sixth grade.
INT. GYM -- DAY
JACKSON is stumbling around in the scene. He's in a party
scene with a bunch of dummies, and he has a bottle of wine
in his hands. The camera pans out and Midus is standing
outside, showing him off like an exhibit.
MIDUS
What? It's my Science experiment.
Jackson slams his face into the window, and rubs his palms
up and down in a drunken slur.
JACKSON
(drunk/slurred)
Wow. I can see myself! And I look
like Midus!
----------------------------------------------------------------
6.
Jackson falls to the ground, and Midus chuckles in a manner
of guilt.
EXT. SCHOOL YARD -- CONTINUOUS
MIDUS, VAL, and JACKSON all walk off screen, and we cut to...
INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY -- MORNING -- NEXT DAY
MIDUS, VAL, and JACKSON walking on screen in the school
hallway, nicely dressed. Midus trails off to his locker, to
place his bookbag inside, and standing there is NICOLE. A
few hoots and hollars are heard sound effect wise.
NICOLE
Hey Midus.
MIDUS (V.O.)
Think of something. Quick! She's
staring!
MIDUS (CONT'D)
You ever wonder what it'd be like if
you were never born?
Nicole nods. An Angel appears out of nowhere.
ANGEL
Can't you people come up with
something original?
MIDUS
Well, it is a classic.
ANGEL
(mocking)
Well, it is a classic.
(not)
You're the reason I'm type-cast.
The Angel disappears.
NICOLE
So, I thought we could work on that
Chemistry Project this weekend?
Midus sighs, throwing his head into his locker door.
MIDUS
I can't. I'm going camping with
Jackson.
Pause.
MIDUS (CONT'D)
... in our scout troop.
----------------------------------------------------------------
7.
NICOLE
You trust your life with Jackson?
EXT. WOODS -- EVENING
MIDUS and JACKSON are hiking.
MIDUS
So, where do we go from here?
JACKSON
What do you mean?
MIDUS
Don't tell me you forgot the map.
JACKSON
Not so much forget, as it was stolen
by the Blair Witch!
MIDUS
She's not real Jackson.
JACKSON
Oh yeah? I bet you've never seen the
documentary about her!
MIDUS
That was a fictional movie!
JACKSON
Oh I'm not falling for this. You
tell me it's fake and then you laugh
and you laugh because you got me to
believe that the truth was false.
Well, not today Goldylocks. You aren't
pulling a roger clemons on me!
MIDUS
I don't want to hit you.
JACKSON
So don't.
Midus does. Jackson backs off.
MIDUS
Oh hey. Look at that. I did want to
hit you.
INT. SCHOOL PICTURE STAGE -- AFTERNOON
JACKSON and MIDUS are watching the events, as VAL is the
first to go up there. She takes her picture normally.
JACKSON
You can't possibly guess what I'm
thinking right now.
----------------------------------------------------------------
8.
EXT. POOLSIDE -- AFTERNOON
VAL and NICOLE are fighting in bathing suits, like the Miller
Light girls.
NICOLE
Great taste!
VAL
Less filling!
JACKSON and MIDUS are off camera, watching this all happen,
as VAL and NICOLE fall into the nearest bed of water(which
doesn't make sense to have in the scene).
JACKSON
Oh man, this is better than sex!
MIDUS
How would you know?
JACKSON
Cuz this is almost better than Sliced
Bread!
Nicole's top breaks and falls.
JACKSON (CONT'D)
It IS better than sliced bread!
Val and Nicole stop their attack, and turn toward Jackson
VAL
You want to just attack the pervert?
NICOLE
Sure.
They do. Jackson cries in pain.
MIDUS
KNEE HIM IN THE GROIN!
Jackson winces.
MIDUS (CONT'D)
They actually DID it!
INT. SCHOOL PICTURE STAGE -- AFTERNOON
JACKSON and MIDUS are still together.
JACKSON
You were pretty damn accurate.
MIDUS
I know.
----------------------------------------------------------------
9.
JACKSON
Until that whole bit about them
kneeing me in the crotch.
MIDUS
I said, I know.
VAL walks off stage, and MIDUS' eye raise before he simply
goes to take his place in front of the camera for his school
picture.
CAMERAMAN
Tilt your head back son.
Midus follows all of his directions.
CAMERAMAN (CONT'D)
Sturdy upper body. Tilt further.
Further. Further... Perfect!
Just as the shutter closes, Midus falls backwards off of his
chair, and the still picture shown is that of Midus' leg's
in the air and his ass basically.
JACKSON is now on the chair, and the cameraman simply takes
his picture.
JACKSON
AHHH!!! You've TAKEN MY SOUL!
Jackson charges forward and tackles the cameraman, as we see
the shutter speed of what is a normal picture of Jackson,
looking polite, as we hear sounds of pain in the background.
NICOLE appears, delicately placing her hands on her knees,
crossing her legs to close off her skirt.
CAMERAMAN
Hands on your knees, please, legs
apart.
NICOLE
I'm wearing a skirt!
CAMERAMAN
Maybe this'll teach you not to dress
like such a slut!
She gets quite angry as the picture is taken.
END OF ACT ONE
----------------------------------------------------------------
10.
ACT TWO
EXT. SCOUT BUILDING -- EVENING
MIDUS and JACKSON are dressed in their scout uniform,
surrounded by fellow campers. JACK HARMEN is there, along
with a few others that aren't named. Scoutmaster JOHNNY
MALEAST stands there, hands on his hips, ready to order his
troops.
MIDUS
We are SO totally pwnin' this guy
this weekend.
Jackson smacks Midus in the back of his head.
JACKSON
What did I tell you about computer
talk in the outside world? Huh!?
EXT. CAMPSITE -- EVENING
MIDUS and JACKSON are pitching their tent. They have some
wireless speakers attached to it, and they blast some heavy
metal, probably System of a Down.
JACKSON
Ah! The most important part of the
tent!
MIDUS
(yelling)
WHAT?
JACKSON
I said,
(yelling)
The most important part of the tent!
MIDUS
No, I heard you. I just think the
tent, is what makes the tent a tent.
JACKSON
Says you!
EXT. CAMPSITE -- LATER
JACKSON is pouring gasoline on charcoal. He pulls out a match,
and Scoutmaster MULEAST stops him.
SCOUTMASTER MULEAST
JACKSON! NO!
ANGLE ON : MATCH HITTING FLAMES, LARGE FIRE IN FOREST.
Jackson and MuLeast are now adorn in charcoal black suet.
MuLeast rolls his eyes.
----------------------------------------------------------------
11.
MIDUS walks over and puts a charcoal pot on top of the fire.
He then pulls out an egg.
MIDUS
Jackson? This is your brain.
JACKSON
(nodding)
Okay?
MIDUS
This is your brain on stupid.
He cracks the egg and it begins to sizzle.
JACKSON
(yelling)
What are you doing! That's my brain!
MIDUS
Any questions?
JACKSON
Yes! Stop cooking my brain!
INT. SHOPPING COMPLEX -- EVENING
VAL is browsing through some clothes, and she's not looking
where she's going, and bumps into someone. It's NICOLE. They
don't recognize each other at first.
VAL
Sorry.
NICOLE
Sorry.
They keep going their own ways, before the lights in the
store turn off and they turn toward each other, eyes wide.
VAL
You!
NICOLE
You!
The lights stay off, and they look out confused.
VAL
I think we're stuck here.
NICOLE
Well, that's the opposite of good.
VAL
Well, duh!
----------------------------------------------------------------
12.
EXT. CAMPSITE -- NIGHT
MIDUS is still cooking, as JACKSON is behind him on a hill.
MIDUS
Hey Jackson, catch the pancake!
Jackson opens his mouth, closing his eyes and points it toward
the sky. Midus does a flipping motion, but it's an anvil
that hits Jackson square in the jaw, squashing him. "Acme"
is written on it, as Jackson holds up a sign that says "How
Rude." That's when GOGO from Tiny Toons appears and hits the
anvil with a hammer, shaking it.
INT. SHOPPING COMPLEX -- EVENING
NICOLE and VAL are sitting down, looking at how to occupy
their time. Nicole sees a "My Little Pony," and immediatly
goes to it.
NICOLE
Awh! My Little Pony!
It comes to life.
LITTLE PONY
Who you callin' little?!?
Nicole screams.
LITTLE PONY (CONT'D)
I'm more pony than you can handle!
EXT. CAMPSITE -- NIGHT
MIDUS is eating eggs, and JACKSON immediately walks over,
yelling.
JACKSON
(yelling)
STOP EATING MY BRAINS!
INT. SHOPPING COMPLEX -- EVENING
VAL and NICOLE are still there, wandering around the shopping
complex. They head into the electronic's section, and Val's
head lowers.
VAL
I know the powers out, but I still
hoped that the television and stereos
would worked.
Nicole walks over, rips batteries out of their package and
places them inside a boom box.
NICOLE
Who needs electricity anyway?
----------------------------------------------------------------
13.
She turns the radio on, and it's on "Hero" by Enrique
Iglascious or however you spell the guys name. They hold
their ears in pain.
VAL
Change it! CHANGE IT!
She does.
VAL (CONT'D)
Phew. Now you're my hero.
(to self)
I never thought I'd say that.
Nicole glares.
NICOLE
Now you have to promise never to say
it again.
EXT. CAMPSITE -- NIGHT
JOEY MALONE is seen floating in mid air, defying gravity and
all the rules of nature. He's talking to Jack Harmen, who's
playing with a pocket knife.
JACK HARMEN
So... how do you do that?
JOEY MALONE
You see, it's a process I like to
call dephysicsifyification. I don't
even know how it's really pronounced
or anything, but, the main idea is
that the Earth is like one gigantic
golf course with a mind of its own.
My mind melds with the Earth's mind,
forming a coalescence of self. I am
as light as the wind, the flames of
the Earth's bowels dance at my whim,
the ocean's waves are mine to walk
upon, and the land of Mother Earth
itself can be formed with my finger
tips. There is no gravity. There is
no friction. There is only existence.
And I exist to you as a physics
defying lunatic, while I exist to me
as a mongoose formed with the power
of cheese.
Awkward pause. Harmen has a blank look on his face. We can
see JACKSON and MIDUS rumbling in the background, spinning
around and fighting on the ground.
JOEY MALONE (CONT'D)
It's Magic.
----------------------------------------------------------------
14.
JACK HARMEN
I thought so.
JACKSON (O.S.)
WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT EATING MY
BRAIN!
MIDUS
Get him off! GET HIM OFF!
Joey Malone glares at Jackson.
JOEY MALONE
BACK, EVIL NAIL CLIPPER OF SANTA
BARBERA! BACK, I SAY!
JACKSON
(confused)
Evil what of whosits?
Pause.
JOEY MALONE
I'm talking to you.
JACKSON
Oh. I thought you were talking to
him.
Jackson points at MATT DAMON.
MATT DAMON
I'm not supposed to be in this scene!
Matt Damon runs away, but runs into a tree branch. Midus
walks over slowly, cut and bruised.
MIDUS
APPLESAUCE, bitch!
JACKSON
That was Affleck's line.
MIDUS
Yeah? Well... uh.... Shut up!
And they head right back into fighting.
END OF ACT TWO
----------------------------------------------------------------
15.
ACT THREE
INT. SHOPPING COMPLEX -- NIGHT
VAL and NICOLE are stuck. Duh.
VAL
You ever notice how the boys act
differently around us?
NICOLE
And by boys, you mean?
VAL
Midus and Jackson... you know? The
guys in our group.
NICOLE
We're a group?
VAL
For science, yeah.
NICOLE
Well, yeah, but it's not like we
hang out on the weekends or anything.
I hardly consider that a group.
VAL
But it... it is!
NICOLE
Listen, you've got your friends,
I've got mine. Just because we're in
the same science group doesn't mean
anything.
VAL
Figures... some things never change.
Val lowers her head, and walks into a different aisle than
Nicole was in. Nicole doesn't seem to notice.
EXT. CAMPSITE -- NIGHT
JACK HARMEN is talking to JACK BREAKER and JAKE WALKER.
JACK HARMEN
I've got the business venture of a
lifetime!
JACK BREAKER
No Harmen! We are not now, nor ever,
buying any more of your snow! We are
THROUGH with your Chinese torture
mind games, and we will not abide,
you hear me?!? WE WILL NOT ABIDE!
----------------------------------------------------------------
16.
Awkward pause.
JAKE WALKER
I'll take eighteen gallons.
Breaker smacks his forehead.
FADE IN:
JACKSON and MIDUS are in their tents, and Jackson goes and
puts on "The Final Countdown" by Europe on their radio system.
He starts to nod his head and raises his fingers in devil
horns, as Midus just stands there, staring at his with anger
and frustration.
MIDUS
Don't make me hit you.
JACKSON
(singing)
We're leaving together! But still
it's their way! And maybe we'll come
back, to earth, who can tell?
MIDUS
Stop it.
JACKSON
(singing)
I guess there is no one to blame.
We're leaving ground!
MIDUS
Stop. It!
JACKSON
(singing)
Will things ever be the same again...
it's the Final Countdown!
MIDUS
There's only so much I can stands,
and I can't stands no more!
Midus tackles Jackson and begins to pummel him. But in this
position, he reaches up to turn off the cd.
JACKSON
Oh don't you dare!
More scuffling, more fighting.
JACKSON (CONT'D)
(singing)
The final Countdo-Owwww! Not the
eyes! Anything but the eyes!
----------------------------------------------------------------
17.
There's a thud.
JACKSON (CONT'D)
Forget what I said! Go for the eyes!
GO FOR THE EYES!
INT. SHOPPING COMPLEX -- NIGHT
VAL and NICOLE are still stuck in the shopping complex.
NICOLE
We really got to get out of here.
VAL
Thanks for stating the obvious.
NICOLE
Val, what's up with you. Do you have
a problem with me?
VAL
No. There's no problem.
NICOLE
Because I get this vibe that you
don't exactly like me. I'm not sure
what I did...
VAL
Big surprise.
NICOLE
Listen, I can be the biggest bitch
there is if I want to be. But I'm
extending a Magna Carta here. A green
olive branch of clean starts and
fresh slates. I have no hard feelings.
I hope you do the same.
Nicole extends her hand. Val doesn't take it however.
VAL
You know, I always wanted to be like
you. I wanted to be loved and adorn
by everyone. I just wanted to be
accepted.
NICOLE
Don't we all?
VAL
But you, Alicia, and Lucy made sure
that it would never happen.
INT. MIDDLE SCHOOL HALLWAYS -- DAY
Younger versions of VAL, ALICIA, NICOLE, and LUCY are in the
hallways. Alicia depants Val, and everyone laughs.
----------------------------------------------------------------
18.
At that point, a YOUNG MIDUS runs into frame.
YOUNG MIDUS
VOTE DUKAKIS!
He runs off, and JACKSON runs behind him with a flaming
baseball bat.
JACKSON
STOP. QUOTING. DONNIE. DARKO.
EXT. CAMPSITE -- NIGHT
MIDUS, SCOUT MASTER MULEAST, and the rest of the troop huddle
around the campfire. Midus has a bag of something, and throws
it into the fire, to cause it to rise a small bit.
MIDUS
The Midnight society presents... the
tale of the idiot from Jersey who
constantly set himself on fire.
JACKSON
Hey!
JACKSON is there, and his arm is on fire.
JACKSON (CONT'D)
This last one wasn't even my fault!
INT. SHOPPING COMPLEX -- CONTINUOUS
NICOLE and VAL are still there, standing.
NICOLE
I'm... so sorry... I didn't know. I
didn't remember. I was just there.
Along for the ride, you know?
Val turns away briefly, and then turns back angered. In
something out of anime, she raises her arm.
VAL
I challenge you to Political Pokemon!
Bill Clinton! I choose you!
She throws down a ball, and it opens. Bill Clinton comes
out, miniturized. He raises his eyebrow and begins rubbing
against Nicole's leg.
NICOLE
I choose George Bush Jr!
Nicole does the anime. She throws down a ball. Out comes
George Bush Jr. GJB spots Clinton.
GEORGE BUSH JR.
AH! The Devil!
----------------------------------------------------------------
19.
He goes to run away from Clinton, who's still humping her
leg, but doesn't get far. He falls to the ground, as does
Clinton.
VAL
Did you feed yours?
NICOLE
Oh crap.
Clinton is dead, and Bush is staring at Nicole with wide
puppy eyes. She pulls out a pretzel. He squeals, grabs his
stomach, and falls to the ground hard.
VAL
And you were expecting him to take
that heimlich enducing salted snack?
After what happened last time?
NICOLE
I wasn't thinking.
VAL
That's a newsflash.
EXT. CAMPSITE -- NIGHT
JACKSON is holding his eye as there's silence. Midus is
breathing heavily.
MIDUS
You ever notice how we always solve
things with violence?
JACKSON
No.
Jackson spits blood onto the floor of their tent.
INT. SHOPPING COMPLEX -- NIGHT
NICOLE and VAL stare off at one another, Nicole's hands on
her hips as Val just leans forward. They go into some
overelaborated Dragon Ball Z sequence where they charge
forward at the end, and that's when the lights turn on. They
stop in their tracks, look at one another, and bolt toward
the door.
VAL
Oh thank God!
An electrician walks into frame, holding a screwdriver. He
looks angry.
ELECTRICIAN
Sure, you thank God. But did you
ever think to thank ME?!
----------------------------------------------------------------
20.
Nicole just sighs, and both Val and Nicole leave. That's
when DOUG O'HARA comes out.
DOUG O'HARA
I was stuck in that closet for the
last two hours... and there was no
naked lesbian touching.
ELECTRICIAN
(understanding)
Chicks...
EXT. SHOPPING COMPLEX -- NIGHT
NICOLE and VAL exit the shopping complex, and they have a
quick look at one another. Nicole looks away immediatly, but
freeze frames. Pan out to an announcer.
ANNOUNCER
Meet Nicole. Fourteen years old.
After having a confrontation with a
friend in a locked store, things
start to get awkward. That's when
her conscious kicks in.
That's when Eminem and Dr. Dre morph out of her like the
video Guilty Conscious. That's when Godd and Savil come out
of nowhere, dressed like the normal Angel and Devil, and
beat them with cardboard signs.
GODD
FALSE IDOLS MUST DIE!
SAVIL
These violent actions, you wonder
why people think you're a hypocrite
Godd.
Godd stops beating on the rappers.
GODD
Oh yeah Savil? Well, then tell me
why Nicole is going to listen to me
when I tell her...
They disappear. Nicole turns back to Val as the scene
restarts.
NICOLE
You want a ride?
VAL
To where?
----------------------------------------------------------------
21.
EXT. CAMPSITE -- NIGHT
JACKSON and MIDUS are now sitting around a campfire. Leaders
have gone, everyone else is asleep, and it seems like they
should be as well.
JACKSON
I wonder where Cher is right now.
Midus looks at Jackson as if he's just seen a ghost, and
slowly inches away from him. Jackson slowly gets to his feet.
MIDUS
Don't ever say that again.
There's a small awkward pause.
JACKSON
You know, I put up this cure for
mortality on Ebay, and this guy bought
it.
MIDUS
Idiot.
JACKSON
So now he's complaining, saying it
didn't work and this and that. But
I'm like, 'are you dead?' And he
obviously isn't, so I'm like 'Then
shut up. Talk to me when you're dead,
then you have a right to complain.'
MIDUS
Awesome!
They high five.
EXT. VAL'S HOUSE -- NIGHT
NICOLE's car pulls up with her parents driving. They don't
look too happy, as Val gets out of the car. Nicole does as
well, slamming the door behind her.
NICOLE
You know, I didn't...
VAL
No, it's cool. It's just envy on my
part.
NICOLE
No reason to. We all have crappy
lives at times. Just because you're
at the top of the social spectrum,
doesn't mean you're happy.
Val begins to part.
----------------------------------------------------------------
22.
NICOLE (CONT'D)
See ya tomorrow. We can hit up the
mall if you'd like.
VAL
(happy)
... Sure. I'd like that.
Val enters her house, where ZACH and JESSIE are sitting on
her couch, from Saved by the Bell.
JESSIE
I'm so... I'm so... I NEED HELP!
She starts crying as the pills are fallen on the floor. Val
just stares awkwardly.
VAL
Zach? Jessie? You two realize they're
just caffeine pills, right?
Zach and Jessie immediatly turn their attention toward Val.
She slowly starts to back away.
VAL (CONT'D)
I'll leave you guys alone.
EXT. CAMPSITE -- DAWN
MIDUS and JACKSON are sitting around the camp fire, the fire
that is basically out as daylight approaches. SMOKEY THE
BEAR appears, waking Jackson and Midus up.
SMOKEY THE BEAR
Hey everyone! You didn't put out
your forest fire before falling
asleep.
MIDUS
We're... sorry?
SMOKEY THE BEAR
SMOKEY DISLIKE ARSON!
He mauls Midus and Jackson, as we fade out.
END OF ACT THREE
----------------------------------------------------------------
23.
Credits
Over the Credits
MIDUS and JACKSON are there.
MIDUS
You know that fat guy from American
Idol 2?
JACKSON
Ru something, right?
MIDUS
Yeah. Ruben. I heard he signed a
sponsorship deal. With FOOD.
JACKSON
Oh that's cold.
Writer and Creater: Thomas Ford
Consulting Producers: Michael Renner & Tim Kelly