Generation LMNOP : Episode 3 : Before the Big Room w/ Lots of People
Original draft completed as of December 5th, 2003
Revised Edition : Completed July 11th, 2004
EXT. MIDUS' HOUSE -- MORNING
MIDUS exits his house, and catches JACKSON's stride.
MIDUS
So, homecoming, eh?
JACKSON nods, when all of a sudden we hear some very
Apocolypse Now sounds. Troops fall from the sky and start
barging into houses. A SOLDIER points a gun at the two kids.
SOLDIER
(translated)
We are from the humble nation of
Latvia. We believe that America must
be saved from itself.
Another soldier from Midus' House.
SOLIDER #2
ALL CLEAR!
MIDUS
Who are you people! Why do you have
guns! And why can't I understand
what you're saying!
JACKSON
I can. Just read the subtitles.
Midus looks down.
MIDUS
Oh. Yes. Right.
SOLDIER
We must save America from itself! We
must take out your President!
MIDUS
What gives you the RIGHT?!
SOLDIER
What gives you the right?
JACKSON
We're AMERICANS Dingus, that's what
gives us the right!
MIDUS
You aren't helping international
relations.
JACKSON
Oh, they're already way screwed.
What harm could I do?
----------------------------------------------------------------
2.
A newspaper flies into frame. It's a picture of JACKSON with
the title "Local Teenager overthrows Latvia. Orders disposal
of all shirts." An image of a busty girl covering herself is
also on the newspaper. And the Jackson picture is him looking
that way.
END OF ACT
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3.
ACT ONE
EXT. SCHOOL -- MORNING
MIDUS and JACKSON are walking around, backpacks slung over
shoulders and what have you.
JACKSON
Seriously Midus. Pick any girl here
and I'll turn her into homecoming
queen.
MIDUS
You're a freshman, and you have a
date...
JACKSON
Just amuse me here.
MIDUS
Fine.
Midus starts juggling. Jackson gives him a look of "quit
it." He does as such. He then points to a fat chick.
MIDUS (CONT'D)
How 'bout her?
JACKSON
Too easy.
MIDUS
Her?
He points to a girl with an upside down face.
JACKSON
Come on Midus! Gimme a challenge
here!
MIDUS
How about her?
Midus points to a guy with a beautiful figure, but wrapped
up in a ghost sheet. Jackson's face immediatly turns to shock.
JACKSON
No way! Not her!
MIDUS
Her.
JACKSON
Urgh. Fine. He just had to make this
as difficult as possible, didn't he?
----------------------------------------------------------------
4.
Jackson walks up to her and lights the bed sheet on fire.
The women stands there in her bra and underwear, but she's
clearly disfigured in the face. Jackson shrieks like a little
girl.
JACKSON (CONT'D)
Aie! Why'd I have to burn that sheet!
She slaps him, and walks away.
MIDUS
You want me to stab your eyes out
now?
JACKSON
(meekly)
Yes please.
EXT. SCHOOL YARD -- MORNING
VAL and NICOLE are walking down, each dressed in 70's/80's
garb.
NICOLE
So, do you have a date for this
homecoming dance?
VAL
I don't see why everyone's so focused
on this dance.
NICOLE
Don't have a date?
VAL
That obvious?
NICOLE
It's the air of desperation in your
voice.
VAL
Get's me every time.
(pause)
So, who's taking you?
NICOLE
You just assume I have a date? Why?
VAL
(confused)
Link?
LINK walks up, shaking and nervous. He has a wilted flower
in his hand and wears a Super Mario t-shirt. He's nervous,
and then tosses the flowers up in the air, running away into
the distance.
----------------------------------------------------------------
5.
NICOLE
What was that about?
He trips, and lands hard.
LINK
(soft)
Oh God! My spleen! My Spleen!
VAL
That's why.
LINK
(soft)
So very painful.
EXT. SCHOOL -- CONTINUOUS
MIDUS and JACKSON
MIDUS
I can't find a date myself.
JACKSON
Can't find, or can't get?
Before Midus answers, ALICIA RENNER walks up. She wraps her
arm around Jackson's waist, and he returns it. She's dressed
in 80's clothing.
ALICIA RENNER
Can't wait 'til Saturday.
She gives him a small kiss on the cheek before walking off.
Midus just stares there, and then turns away in frustration.
MIDUS
(disbelief)
The mayor's DAUGHTER?
JACKSON
...is a hottie.
They continue walking. Jackson makes motions with his hands
here. A framing of a shot coupled with a swinging right hand.
JACKSON (CONT'D)
So, who you got lined up to knock
down?
MIDUS
Well...
JACKSON
Knew it! Knew you had a hoe in mind.
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6.
MIDUS
She's not a hoe.
Jackson stops, and looks up. Midus turns around, not realizing
Jackson had stopped.
MIDUS (CONT'D)
What the hell are you doing?
JACKSON
Thinking. It doesn't hurt as much as
I thought it would.
(pause)
So, I narrowed down the two
candidates, to well, two candidates.
This deliveration process to determine
exactly whom the hoe is will be long
and arduous.
MIDUS
She's not a... wait, how do you know
what the word arduous means?
JACKSON
Sportscenter. So, who's the hoe?
MIDUS
For the last time. She's not a hoe.
She's
(catches glance)
Val?
VAL walks into frame, matching up movement with NICOLE, who
walks off and joins ALICIA and LUCY SCOTT in a group of circle
talking.
VAL
Hi Midus. Jackson.
JACKSON
So it's YOU!
VAL
I... am me... Nice of you to notice.
JACKSON
No, I don't mean that. It's not you...
it's YOU!
Jackson looks toward Midus, who rolls his eyes.
VAL
(to Midus)
Did he take his medication this
morning?
----------------------------------------------------------------
7.
MIDUS
Probably. You think he could be this
fubared normally?
JACKSON
You ever hear of this guy who comes
down the chimney on Christmas eve?
And then he runs around your house,
eating your cookies, drinking your
milk, and taking your stereo, dressed
all in black?
They do a double take.
VAL
Wha?
MIDUS
Oh yeah. He definitly took his
medication.
JACKSON
I think his name was "Hey-sus."
INT. HOMEROOM -- DAY
Everyone is there. They're talking before the bell rings, of
course.
VAL
You know, I heard that Atomic Weasel
Treadmill is playing Homecoming?
NICOLE
Who?
VAL
It's John Sanders' band.
Pan over to JOHN SANDERS. He's surrounded by pavement and
road signs.
MIDUS
What the hell is he doing?
VAL
Highway robbery.
Over to JACKSON, who's talking to JACK HARMEN.
JACKSON
So, Harmen, think I could borrow
your time machine for a bit?
JACK HARMEN
What for?
(MORE)
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8.
JACK HARMEN (CONT'D)
Am I going to have to explain the
rules of quantam physics to you and
how going back in time can disrupt
the space time contiuem? Because I
will show you Back to the Future if
I have to.
JACKSON
Well, I just wanna go back in time
to make the Virgin Mary pregnant.
He's shocked, as are the people around him that heard him,
including Alicia.
JACKSON (CONT'D)
People are always getting confused
when I talk. I mean I'm going to
have sex with her. There's only a
60/40 chance she'll balloon up like
a beach whale.
JACK HARMEN
You haven't heard a word I was saying!
AND you haven't watched the third
Turtles movie!
Jackson walks back, angry.
JACKSON
What if I'm the miracle that causes
Jesus' birth! And since Harmen won't
let me go back in time to fulfill my
DESTINY, The world could be changed
forever!
MIDUS
I doubt people would consider rape a
miracle!
JACKSON
It's not rape if I get her really
drunk first.
MIDUS
Yes... It is!
An anvil falls from the ceiling onto Jackson.
MIDUS (CONT'D)
Ah, Karma. How I love thee.
END OF ACT ONE
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9.
ACT TWO
INT. HOMEROOM -- DAY
Everyone is still there from the previous, well, "session."
MIDUS and JACKSON have begun a game of Chinese Football.
VAL
So, are you guys excited about the
big pep rally?
JACKSON
Our mascot is a Mexican wrestler
called the Mysterious One. We have
no shame left.
MIDUS
No, we have no pride left.
JACKSON
I said that because we've run out of
shame.
MIDUS
(frustrated)
You don't run out of shame!
VAL
Come on! Can't you must up a bit of
school spirit? You know... go
Mysterious!?
Jackson and Midus just look at each other. Jackson pulls out
a five and hands it to Midus.
MIDUS
Told you she'd go all school spirit
on us.
JACKSON
I hate you Midus. I really do.
MIDUS
I think someone needs a group hug.
JACKSON
I think someone needs to not have a
face!
MR. ANDREWS
(gaining attention)
This week, as you all are most likely
aware, is Homecoming. It's also known
as Spirit Week, and by us teachers,
throwaway week.
(MORE)
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10.
MR. ANDREWS (CONT'D)
Since any lesson plans we attempt to
teach will simply go in one ear and
out the other, I'm going to be showing
a video.
Cheers from the crowd.
MR. ANDREWS (CONT'D)
It's a political propaghanda film
about George W. Bush.
Boos.
JACKSON
Positive or negative?
MR. ANDREWS
Positive.
Midus rolls his eyes and gives Jackson back the five dollars.
MR. ANDREWS (CONT'D)
You should all support George W.
Bush, because without him, we wouldn't
have the Patriot Act. And without
the Patriot Act, numerous criminals
are let loose on the streets to
terroristically destroy us!
MIDUS
Uhmmm... wouldn't that also mean
that certain innocent people would
be wrongfully targeted?
MR. ANDREWS
A Minor inconvience for those of us
truly not guilty of crime!
EDDIE SCOTT POSER raises his hand. He's called.
MR. ANDREWS (CONT'D)
Eddie Poser, you had a question?
EDDIE SCOTT POSER
Yeah. What's the American stance on
pogs? Do they cause terrorism like
the commercials say drugs do? Because
I have the largest collection
EVVVVAAAAAA!
MR. ANDREWS
That's nice Mr. Poser.
EDDIE SCOTT POSER
I'm the King of Pogs too.
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11.
MR. ANDREWS
For the last time Mr. Poser, you
aren't the king of anything. You're
not the King of Pogs because no such
thing exists. And you ARE NOT the
rightful heir to the throne of Poland!
EDDIE SCOTT POSER
GASP! Blasphemer!
He stands, dressed in a sceptor and with a robe around him.
JACKSON
That's our class clown?!? I'm way
funnier than him! I mean, anyone can
be funny with props.
MIDUS
Except you.
JACKSON
Of course I can! I mean... I'm
hillarious with....
MIDUS
Okay. Out with it.
JACKSON
I lost it.
MIDUS
I think you should give me back that
five dollars for such a horrible
retort.
Jackson groans, and then does as such. The lights turn black
from Andrews clicking them in the background.
INT. LUNCHROOM -- DAY
MIDUS, JACKSON, VAL, and NICOLE are sitting at a table made
for four.
MIDUS
Yeah, you know what really happened
to Van Gogh?
INT. BARBERSHOP -- EVENING
A BARBER is clipping VINCENT VAN GOGH's hair. That's when he
gasps, and blood begins to spray. Van Gogh's eyes turn wide.
A BARBER
Was that too much off the sides?
Van Gogh lets out a blood curtling scream.
----------------------------------------------------------------
12.
INT. LUNCHROOM -- CONTINUOUS
They're all laughing. And that's when ALICIA RENNER walks
onto the table, sits down, and almost knocks Val off the
chair. She catches herself though.
ALICIA RENNER
So, what are we laughing at?
Everyone stops laughing, there's definitly awkwardness.
MIDUS
Well, there was that time that Jackson
and I played Jackass.
INT. MIDUS' ROOM -- DAY
MIDUS and JACKSON are standing. Midus has a ball bat.
JACKSON
Promise this won't hurt?
MIDUS
Not at all. If I've learned anything
from my years of watching television,
it's that there's no consequences to
anything we do.
Jackson nods. Midus swings. Jackson cries out in pain and
falls.
JACKSON
It hurts! It hurts! The pain!
MIDUS
Hmmm... I guess I haven't learned
anything from television.
He tosses the bat away.
MIDUS (CONT'D)
Time to study my video games.
Midus walks away.
JACKSON
Gauze! Gauze!
INT. LUNCHROOM -- CONTINUOUS
Everyone is still there. ALICIA has placed her hand over
JACKSON'S. MIDUS only catches it.
ALICIA RENNER
So! Is everyone here ready for
Homecoming?
----------------------------------------------------------------
13.
MIDUS, VAL, and NICOLE all divert their attention. JACKSON
doesn't say anything, so ALICIA looks at him hard.
JACKSON
Oh yeah! I'm definitly excited. Way
excited. So excited I think I'm going
to explode. Like a big sperm whale.
I'm not sure why I said sperm there
when any whale would do wonders.
Wonderful wonders of the imagination
this dance will be!
He pathetically laughs. Nicole, Val, and Midus are unsure of
what to reply with.
MIDUS
Okay. I-I have to... I have to go...
He trails off, trying to pick a word he can't. He points
points off screen.
MIDUS (CONT'D)
...Over there.
He leaves, and Val is able to place herself back on the seat,
in order not to fall.
They all look at one another, unsure of what to say after
Jackson's rant. Jackson just shrugs, and leans forward, to
talk to Alicia.
JACKSON
So, you're not going to be wearing
any underwear tomorrow. Just so you
know.
Alicia looks a bit perturbed, as we pan out to reveal
Val/Nicole has heard the convo.
JACKSON (CONT'D)
I'm supposed to whisper when I lean
in close like that, aren't I?
INT. SCHOOL HALLWAYS -- CONTINUOUS
MIDUS is walking, pacing even. He opens his locker, hangs
his head, and then slams it shut before walking away.
INT. LUNCHROOM -- CONTINUOUS
VAL looks off, as if she knows something's wrong.
JACKSON
Now, since I'm a child, and I like
porn, would watching someone our age
in a porn be illegal?
----------------------------------------------------------------
14.
This disrupts Val's thought process, as she's basically
mortified.
NICOLE
Well, watching porn at this age is
illegal in general.
JACKSON
It is?!? And they expect us to remain
virgins HOW?!?
ALICIA turns to Val.
ALICIA RENNER
Who are you again?
VAL
... Bye.
Val gets up to leave.
JACKSON
You're leaving? When you coming back?
VAL
However long it takes the earth to
rotate a quarter of it's axis.
Jackson and Alicia think, deeply.
ALICIA RENNER
14 hours seems kinda long...
Val just leaves, shocked. NICOLE feels outta place.
ALICIA RENNER (CONT'D)
Why do you hang out with that bye
girl?
NICOLE
Her name isn't bye.
ALICIA RENNER
Then why did she lie?
Nicole rolls her eyes, and ALICIA doesn't notice. She and
Jackson are too in each other's gaze. Well, Jackson's gaze
is aimed at her breasts. Nicole gets up to leave.
JACKSON
Okay, when did I turn into the plague?
NICOLE
... 700 years ago in England?
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15.
JACKSON
But I've never been to England.
Although I have been trapped in a
European Dungeon before.
EXT. MOUSE TRAP BOARD
JACKSON looks like a mouse, and is running around, away from
falling traps and rolling balls. Just like the game. He sees
a piece of cheese and races towards it, but then a plastic
basket falls from the sky and lands just in front of him.
Jackson shrieks, and turns around in the other direction, as
the song from the Mouse Trap Commercial plays.
INT. LUNCHROOM -- CONTINUOUS
JACKSON and ALICIA.
JACKSON
You know, you'd think I'da forgotten
that, considering all the blows to
my head from the experience.
INT. HEALTH CLASSROOM -- AFTERNOON
JACKSON, MIDUS, VAL, and NICOLE are all sitting in class,
along with numerous other classmates.
HEALTH TEACHER
So, to make a long story short...
Midus leans over to Val and Nicole.
MIDUS
(whispering)
That's no longer possible.
HEALTH TEACHER
Don't have sex. EVER.
ALICIA FNORD raises her hand.
ALICIA FNORD
But what if...
HEALTH TEACHER
I said NEVER!
Jackson raises his hands.
JACKSON
Say you do have sex, you're cohersed
into it, or say raped? I could go
with raped. What happens? What would
one do to avoid problems?
----------------------------------------------------------------
16.
HEALTH TEACHER
You can't avoid problems. You have
sex, you're going to die. First you
lose your penis or your vagina,
VAL
(To Midus) *
She said the V word!
HEALTH TEACHER
And that's when the leprosy kicks
in.
Midus raises his hand.
MIDUS
Uhhh... where are the facts for this?
The health teacher looks either way, and then throws a ball
of smoke on the ground. It evaporates, and she remains.
HEALTH TEACHER
That was code for class dismissed.
END OF ACT TWO
----------------------------------------------------------------
17.
ACT THREE
INT. ENGLISH CLASS -- AFTERNOON
EVERYONE is in class. ELLIOT A. RACEY is at the chalkboard.
ELLIOT A. RACEY
We're about ready to head to the pep
rally, but first things first, I'm
wondering how your papers are coming
along. Remember, I'm here after school
to help you out.
Midus raises his hand.
ELLIOT A. RACEY (CONT'D)
Midus?
MIDUS
Does the paper have to be due on
Thursday?
ELLIOT A. RACEY
Yes. It does. You've known about the
assignment for weeks now. What's
your excuse?
MIDUS
I have to prepare for Spontaneous
Combustion.
Elliot A. Racey just stares for a bit.
JACKSON
That wouldn't be very spontaneous. I
mean, if you prepa-
Midus spontaneously combusts.
JACKSON (CONT'D)
Oh wow. That was quite spontaneous.
Kudos!
A bell rings.
ELLIOT A. RACEY
Alright kids, line up, and we'll
head to the Gymnasium, for the PEP
Rally! Lete's hear your pep!
JACKSON
Let's not, and go to Dairy Queen
instead!
ELLIOT A. RACEY
But this is the school's pep rally!
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18.
JACKSON
Yes. And I don't exactly feel peppy.
Ever.
Elliot A. Racey looks shifty, and then throws powder in
Jackson's face. His head falls and smacks the table, as Racey
drags him outta the room.
INT. GYMNASIUM -- AFTERNOON
JACKSON and MIDUS enter the gym, and they look around.
MIDUS
Hey! It's Noah! He hates these things
as much as we do! Hey Noah!
NOAH HAWKINS looks up as the two walk toward him. Noah sighs.
NOAH
Hey! Go away.
JACKSON
We just wanna talk.
NOAH
And I just want you two to go away.
But for some reason, I don't see a
magic genie coming down to grant
either of our wishes.
They take a seat, and it's quite awkward. That's when Nicole
sits down, and makes things even more awkward. She's dressed
like the "Bewitched" girl. They all give her a look. Long
awkward pause. She crinkles her nose.
JACKSON
Please don't send me to Istanbul.
NICOLE
What are you talking about?
MIDUS
Why are you in a Halloween costume
that leaves very little to my very
curious imagination?
Jackson takes this in.
NICOLE
I'm in the pep rally.
MIDUS
Then, shouldn't you be down there?
NICOLE
What do you think I am, dedicated?
----------------------------------------------------------------
19.
She gives him a light smile and touches his shoulder, pointing
toward the bottom of the stairs.
NICOLE (CONT'D)
Hey, there's Val!
Val waves and there's a time lapse. In the center of the
gym, is a man dressed as a professional wrestler. His name
is the MYSTERIOUS ONE.
MYSTERIOUS ONE
It's time... to BEAT those Titans!
A man dressed like a Titan(yeah, that's all I got) comes
racing out, and attacks.
TITAN
Sleep with my sister, will you!
Midus and JACKSON are watching. Jackson leans forward.
MIDUS
So lame.
JACKSON
Oh yeah.
There's a brawl, center screen, as JACK BREAKER appears and
whacks both men with a large trout. He bows.
MIDUS
(nicole)
You were apart of this?!
NICOLE
Not this exactly...
JACKSON
Breaker hit him with a large novelty
fish! That never gets old.
MIDUS
I don't think it was novelty.
Two SECURITY GUARDS come out and Breaker hitails it out of
there. JACK HARMEN is there, and they escape into Jack's
machine. A few bells and whistles, and well, it disappears.
SECURITY GUARD #1
Dear God! They've gone, back in time!
SECURITY GUARD #2
They've gone
(dramatic pause)
BACK TO THE FUTURE!
----------------------------------------------------------------
20.
They break their gaze and turn to each other to argue. Behind
them, the time machine reappears. Breaker walks out dressed
like Maximo, and Harmen has a large sword, backpeddling.
Then STEVE, a large demon walks out, all RUAHH! Like. MAGUS,
KENT, and LILLIAN go off to battle it.
SECURITY GUARD #1
You can't go back to the future. The
future hasn't happened yet, so there's
nothing to go back to.
SECURITY GUARD #2
You can kill the idea. But you can't
kill the dream.
VAL
I think this is kinda cool.
JACKSON
(offensive)
YOU would.
Noah Hawkins is still standing there behind the group. He
just has a WTF look on his face.
NOAH
Wait. What the hell am I still doing
here?
He shrugs and leaves. A cheerleader falls on the floor.
There's really no reaction for it. We see JOHN SANDERS behind
our group of four, and he's resting his head on his hand.
JOHN SANDERS
Man. I'm both bored and hungry!
A light bulb appears over his head. He grabs it and eats it.
JOHN SANDERS (CONT'D)
Now onto plan B!
He runs off screen. And returns, dressed in a full body
chicken suit.
JOHN SANDERS (CONT'D)
KAW! I AM THE MYSTERIOUS BIRDMAN!
KAW! WHO STOLE MY TOM JONES CD!
The Mysterious One and Titan stop their tussle. The Mysterious
One points to his pocket.
MYSTERIOUS ONE
It's right there in your pocket.
John Sanders looks down at the pocket of his chicken suit.
It's clearly there.
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21.
JOHN SANDERS
YOU KLUCKIN' PUT IT THERE! KAW!
He charges and takes both men down. Meanwhile, Jack Harmen
is throwing snow at security guards while Jack Breaker hits
the other one with his large trout. Behind them even further,
Magus, Lillian, and Kent are all doing battle with the large
demon. Lillian is on top, ready to deliver a killing blow
when it tosses her across the screen and into her friends.
And Midus, Jackson, Nicole, and Val are all watching on.
MIDUS
Our lives are different from others.
JACKSON
(delighted)
It's like they're all pawns in my
masterpiece theater!
He raises his hands like a puppeteer.
INT. SCHOOL HALLWAYS -- CONTINUOUS
The pep rally has ended, and that means the day is over.
MIDUS and company bail, but NICOLE sticks clear to Midus. He
pulls her over the side, and VAL stops to watch. It takes
focus off of her.
MIDUS
Hey Nicole.
NICOLE
Yeah?
MIDUS
I was just wondering. You know, the
whole homecoming deal is coming up,
and I'm just wondering.
He pauses.
NICOLE
What is it?
MIDUS
It's this acid that's in my back
pocket. I think it ate through the
bottle.
Midus pulls out the acid and throws it to the side. There's
a scream from a male.
MALE
AH! MY FACE! MY BEAUTIFUL FACE!
Midus eyes wide with a look of "wow," before continuing.
----------------------------------------------------------------
22.
MIDUS
Anyway... Will you go to the Dance
with me?
CUT TO: NICOLE'S REACTION
END OF ACT THREE
----------------------------------------------------------------
23.
TEASER
Over the Credits
JACKSON
So, you finally asked Nicole out,
huh?
MIDUS
... ye-wait. How do you know that?
You weren't there.
JACKSON
I read ahead a couple of episodes.
MIDUS
Ah.
JACKSON
Yeah.
Jackson kicks him.
MIDUS
Damnit! What was that for!?
JACKSON
You'll see.
(pause)
Idiot.
Main Script Writer and Creater: Thomas Ford
Original Script Male-Nurse: Michael Renner
Re-write Script Doctor: Tim Kelly