Generation LMNOP : Episode 3 : Before the Big Room w/ Lots of People
Completed as of December 5th, 2003
TEASER
EXT. MIDUS' HOUSE -- MORNING
MIDUS walks out of his house, JACKSON picks up his stride.
JACKSON
Remember when you found out your
entire life was nothing but a tv
show?
MIDUS
No. I think I'd remember something
like that.
JACKSON
Oh God. You don't remember? You never
knew?
Midus shakes his head no.
JACKSON (CONT'D)
Crap. I didn't mean it! Oh God. I'm
sorry Fox! I didn't know he didn't
already know it was the Midus Show!
Jackson flies off the screen airborne, as Midus just watches
him in shock. He grabs the attention of a street cleaner by
standing in front of the car.
MIDUS
Where does that go?
WORKER
The sun I'd wager.
Midus realizes his life is a show, and then begins to stop
traffic left and right like in the Truman show. That's when
Jackson falls screaming from the heavens onto the hood of a
car, just a little burnt.
END OF TEASER
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2.
ACT ONE
EXT. SCHOOL YARD -- MORNING
JACKSON and MIDUS are walking. Duh.
JACKSON
Seriously. Pick any girl and I'll
turn her into homecoming queen.
Midus thinks, and then points to a fat chick.
MIDUS
How 'bout her?
JACKSON
Too easy.
MIDUS
Her?
He points to a girl with an upside down face.
JACKSON
Come on Midus! Gimme a challenge
here!
MIDUS
How about her?
Midus points to a guy with a beautiful figure, but wrapped
up in a ghost sheet. Jackson's face immediatly turns to shock.
JACKSON
No way! Not her!
MIDUS
Her.
JACKSON
Fine. But you owe me money. And Cash.
Cash money baby!
Jackson walks up to her and lights the bed sheet on fire.
The women stands there in her bra and underwear, and is
clearly hot.
JACKSON (CONT'D)
There. Told you I could do it, no
matter how hard you made it.
MIDUS
If only She's all That was this long
and ended with Rachel Leigh Cook
dressed like that.
RLC appears, and slaps Midus.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
3.
RACHEL LEIGH COOK
Direct all complaints to Miramax.
Jackson lights HER clothes lin fire. They high five.
JACKSON
Now that is the ending I paid to
see!
MIDUS
Now if we can only fix the ending of
Josie and the Pussycats to include
massive amounts of pudding and
fulfilling on the advertisement of
pussy... cats...
EXT. SCHOOL YARD -- CONTINUOUS
VAL and NICOLE are walking along the path. Val is dressed in
70's style clothing.
VAL
So, who do you have taking you to
the Homecoming dance?
NICOLE
You just expect me to have a date?
VAL
Well, yeah. You're not miss science
geek or Plain and tall.
NICOLE
Doesn't mean I have all the answers.
VAL
I saw you buy the answers yesterday!
NICOLE
That was for the math mid-term!
VAL
Relationships are very mathematical.
NICOLE
And you wonder why you don't get
dates.
VAL
No, I just get sad about it.
EXT. SCHOOL YARD -- CONTINUOUS
MIDUS and JACKSON, duh.
MIDUS
I'm so pissed I can't find a date.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
4.
JACKSON
Oh, but you SO have someone in mind,
don't you?
Before Midus can speak, a girl dressed in 80's clothing,
Alicia Fnord, walks up and places her arm on Jackson's
shoulder. He turns to her immediatly.
ALICIA FNORD
Can't wait till Saturday.
She gives him a small kiss on the cheek before walking off.
Midus just stares there, and then turns away in frustration.
MIDUS
The mayor's daughter?
JACKSON
... is a hottie.
They continue to walk down the courtyard, Midus seems a bit
annoyed.
JACKSON (CONT'D)
So, who do you got lined up to knock
down?
MIDUS
(admitting defeat)
I... I dunno.
JACKSON
You SO got a hoe in mind.
MIDUS
She's not a hoe!
Jackson thinks.
MIDUS (CONT'D)
What are you doing?
JACKSON
Thinking. It doesn't hurt as much as
I thought it would...
Slight pause.
JACKSON (CONT'D)
So I narrowed down the two candidates
to... two candidates.
MIDUS
It's not a political campaign.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
5.
JACKSON
I hope not, because one of them lied
about what was in this cave. Told me
there was hot chicks wrestling inside
of jello. You know what I found? A
bear! A freakin' bear!
MIDUS
Was it a smart bear?
JACKSON
Smarter than the average bear.. so,
who is it?
Val appears, Nicole branching off from their walk earlier it
seems. She lightly touches Midus' arm, and Jackson notices
it.
VAL
Hey guys.
JACKSON
So it's you!
VAL
(Confused) *
I.. am me, yes. Nice of you to notice.
JACKSON
No, I don't mean that. It's not you...
it's YOU!
He looks at Midus, who is glaring at him, and Val is still
confused. She sighs.
VAL
Look over there! Britney is making
out with another girl!
JACKSON
Spears or Thompson?
VAL
Duh. Spears!
JACKSON
SCORE!
Jackson turns around, and that's when Val pulls a bear mask
out of her backpack.
JACKSON (CONT'D)
Hey, you lied again!
He turns around, and gets startled by the bear.
MIDUS
YOU MADE A BEAR!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
6.
JACKSON
I didn't mean to.
MIDUS
Undo it! Undo it!
Jackson screams, and then runs away. Val pulls it off,
chuckling to herself.
VAL
What? He wasn't in any real danger.
It was a trained bear.
EXT. SCHOOL YARD -- CONTINUOUS
JACKSON runs, and collides right into NICOLE, who drops her
books promptly.
JACKSON
Sorry.
NICOLE
Should be.
She starts to pick her books up, and Jackson stands to his
feet.
JACKSON
Oh no! I accidently ran into you
trying to save myself from a freakin'
bear. Oh let's all bow down to miss
Nicole, because she's an angel sent
from heaven to bring forth an
apocolyptic destruction not seen
since the days of Buffy the Vampire
Slayer. Yeah. You heard me. And at
least if I change an emphasis on my
name, I don't become Nike.
Nicole puffs in anger.
NICOLE
Yeah, well, if I change the last
syllable of your name, you become
Jackass.
Long Pause.
JACKSON
I'm not playing this game with you
anymore.
EXT. SCHOOL YARD -- CONTINUOUS
MIDUS and VAL, like usual. Idiots. THINK OF THE PRECENDENT.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
7.
VAL
So, you got anyone to go to the dance
with you?
MIDUS
Just the sock puppet of love...
Awkward pause.
MIDUS (CONT'D)
Which is an actual sock.
Confused glares
MIDUS (CONT'D)
That didn't make that sound any
better, did it?
VAL
No, but at least you're trying.
Awkward pause.
MIDUS
So, how about you? Bet you got the
boys pounding down the walls to get
with you. And what's with the
nostalgic kick anyway?
VAL
Didn't you hear? Today's 70/80's
day. Tomorrow's hat day.
Midus has a blank stare.
VAL (CONT'D)
You know? Spirit Week?
MIDUS
Spirit Week? Is that where a bunch
of ghosts come out and possess us
during our classes and force us to
play badmitton like that one time in
Middle School?
VAL
Badmitton?
MIDUS
I don't need to explain myself to
you.
VAL
Only to the ghost.
MIDUS
No!
(MORE)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
8.
MIDUS (CONT'D)
The ghost has to explain it to me!
Come on! Think things through. You're
science chic, you should know about
the paranormal.
VAL
You know what's another word for
Paranormal? Delusional.
MIDUS
Yeah?! Well! YOUR MOM!
VAL
My mom is what?
MIDUS
Uhmmm... LOOK OVER THERE! BRITNEY
SPEARS IS MAKING OUT WITH YOU!
Midus points over her shoulder, but Val doesn't move.
MIDUS (CONT'D)
Damnit. That would have worked on
Jackson.
EXT. SCHOOL YARD -- CONTINUOUS
JACKSON and NICOLE are talking.
JACKSON
I told you! Britney Spears was making
out with this chick, and I've GOT to
find her! You know how many fantasy's
that would fulfill?
NICOLE
Uhmmm.... one?
JACKSON
Well, yes. But it's an important
one.
Jackson goes off to find her, as Nicole lowers her head and
shakes it. Alicia then walks up to her.
ALICIA FNORD
Hey! How are ya?
NICOLE
How are you going to Homecoming with
him?
ALICIA FNORD
Well, he's going to pick me up...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
9.
NICOLE
I didn't mean litterally how, I
meant... how?!? Why?!? How!
ALICIA FNORD
He's cute. What can I say.
NICOLE
You and I greatly differ on the word
"cute."
END OF ACT ONE
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10.
ACT TWO
INT. CLASSROOM -- MORNING
MIDUS and JACKSON are sitting at their desks, playing Chineese
football. Val task her seat near them.
VAL
So, you guys excited for the Pep
Rally.
JACKSON
Our mascot is a Mexican wrestler
called the Mysterious One. We have
no shame left.
MIDUS
No. We have no pride left.
JACKSON
I said that because we've run out of
shame.
MIDUS
(annoyed)
You don't run out of shame!
VAL
You guys can't muster up a bit of
school spirit.
MIDUS
I don't think you heard us the first
time. Our mascot is a professional
wrestler.
VAL
Point well taken.
Bell rings to start class. Homeroom begins.
MR. ANDREWS
This week, as you all are probably
aware, is Homecoming week, also known
as Spirit week. This week is a week
dedicated to school spirit, which
should prove interesting if nothing
else. Kids and their damned raging
hormones just ticking away like
Terroristic bombs.
Awkward stares.
MR. ANDREWS (CONT'D)
Sorry.
(MORE)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
11.
MR. ANDREWS (CONT'D)
I had family in the nine eleven
terroristic attacks, and I believe
strongly that George Bush can whip
out all terrorism... ever. He has
this nice mind ray which... well,
it's a mind ray. I think that's pretty
much self explanatory.
A student raises his hand. It's JACK HARMEN.
JACK HARMEN
Isn't that... I dunno, illegal?
MR. ANDREWS
Not after the Patriot Act.
EDDIE SCOTT POSER raises his hand.
EDDIE SCOTT POSER
What is the American stance on Pogs.
Are they considered terroristic?
Because I have the largest
collection... EVVAAAAAAAAAAR!
MR. ANDREWS
That's... nice.
EDDIE SCOTT POSER
I'm the King of Pogs too you know.
MR. ANDREWS
For the last time Mr. Poser, you are
not the King of Poland, nor are you
the king of pogs.
EDDIE SCOTT POSER
BLASPHEMER!
Poser stands in his seat, pointing toward the teacher with
his sceptor, a robe around him.
JACKSON
That's our class clown? I'm twice
the clown he is. Anyone can be a
prop clown!
MIDUS
Except you, because no prop can make
you funny.
JACKSON
Not even a ... something.
MIDUS
Such wit. I stand corrected.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
12.
INT. LUNCHROOM -- AFTERNOON
MIDUS, JACKSON, VAL, and NICOLE are all sitting together.
ALICIA joins them.
ALICIA FNORD
Scootch a bit?
They do, which causes Val to almost fall off the edge. She
however, catches herself.
ALICIA FNORD (CONT'D)
So, who else here is excited about
the whole Homecoming deal?
No one really says anything, but Jackson meekly raises his
hand.
JACKSON
Yay?
MIDUS
I don't know if excited is the word
I'd use.
ALICIA FNORD
Oh... well... what word would you
use?
MIDUS
Well, I guess I'm just DYING to go.
Alicia smiles, turns around, just as Midus makes a gun motion
and squeezes the fictional trigger. He makes motion of blood
splattering behind him, which it seems only Val and Nicole
see. Nicole smiles somewhat, but her eyes are large as well.
She turns back toward the group, as Midus moves back into a
normal position, and picks up her laugh meakly.
MIDUS (CONT'D)
You know, I have to go.
Midus pauses, and points to the side.
MIDUS (CONT'D)
Over there.
He leaves, Val takes his seat as not to fall off completely.
The group turns their attention back to one another, as
Jackson slightly touches Alicia's arm.
JACKSON
So, you're not planning on wearing
any underwear tonight, are you?
Alicia's taken aback by this.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
13.
INT. SCHOOL HALLWAYS -- CONTINUOUS
MIDUS is wandering around, and heads to his locker. He opens
it, just to slam it shut, before turning away. He huffs, and
leaves.
INT. LUNCHROOM -- CONTINUOUS
They're all still sitting there, talking.
JACKSON
So I went to this guy, Stop using my
butter to skateboard across my
skillet!
They all laugh, except Val, who's laugh is meekly. She slowly
inches her way back off the bench, and goes to leave.
VAL
I'll meet you all later.
JACKSON
How much later?
VAL
However long it takes the earth to
rotate a quarter of it's axis.
Jackson thinks, as does Alicia.
ALICIA FNORD
Fourteen hours seems kinda long.
VAL
Uhmmm... yeah....
Val excuses herself, as we turn back to the cafeteria table,
where Nicole is obviously the fifth wheel at this juncture.
Alicia tilts her head to the side to tell her to leave, as
Nicole goes to do just that.
JACKSON
Where are you heading? When did I
turn into the plague?
Nicole uneasily continues to leave.
NICOLE
Probably seven hundred years ago in
England.
JACKSON
But I've never been to England.
Although I did at one point walk
into an old European style dungeon...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
14.
EXT. MOUSE TRAP BOARD
JACKSON looks like a mouse, and is running around, away from
falling traps and rolling balls. He sees a piece of cheese
and races towards it, but then a plastic basket falls and
lands just in front of him. Jackson lets out a cry, and runs
in the oppoisite direction, just as the mouse trap theme
song is played.
INT. LUNCHROOM -- CONTINUOUS
JACKSON is looking off into the sky.
JACKSON
Good times.
INT. HEALTH CLASSROOM -- AFTERNOON
JACKSON, MIDUS, VAL, and NICOLE are all sitting in class,
along with numerous other classmates.
HEALTH TEACHER
So, to make a long story short...
Midus leans over to Val and Nicole.
MIDUS
(whispering)
That's no longer possible.
HEALTH TEACHER
Don't have sex. EVER.
ALICIA FNORD raises her hand.
ALICIA FNORD
But what if...
HEALTH TEACHER
I said NEVER!
Jackson raises his hands.
JACKSON
Say you do have sex, you're cohersed
into it, or say raped? I could go
with raped. What happens? What would
one do to avoid problems?
HEALTH TEACHER
You can't avoid problems. You have
sex, you're going to die. First you
lose your penis or your vagina,
VAL
(To Midus) *
She said the V word!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
15.
HEALTH TEACHER
And that's when the leprosy kicks
in.
Midus raises his hand.
MIDUS
Uhhh... where are the facts for this?
The health teacher looks either way, and then throws a ball
of smoke on the ground. It evaporates, and she remains.
HEALTH TEACHER
That was code for class dismissed.
END OF ACT TWO
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
16.
ACT THREE
INT. ENGLISH CLASSROOM -- AFTERNOON
Everyone's in class. Yay. There's a sign on the board. EDDIE
SCOTT POSER raises his hand.
EDDIE SCOTT POSER
Is that you? The We will not hold
class on...
ELLIOT A. RACEY
No no. I don't know why that's up
there, but it's not me.
He goes to erase, but MIDUS raises his hand. He calls on
him.
MIDUS
... Could it be you?
He sighs.
ELLIOT A. RACEY
Alright class, let's get started.
Now you all know about your paper
that's due next Thursday.
Midus raises his hand.
ELLIOT A. RACEY (CONT'D)
Yes Midus?
MIDUS
Does the paper have to be due
Thusrday?
ELLIOT A. RACEY
Yes.
MIDUS
But I have to prepare!
ELLIOT A. RACEY
What? You don't believe that whole
Hurricane thing on the news, do you?
MIDUS
No no no. Spontaneous Combustion.
JACKSON
That wouldn't be very spontaneous. I
mean, if you're prepar...
Midus Sponaneously Combusts.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
17.
JACKSON (CONT'D)
Oh... Wow. That was quite spontaneous.
Kudos!
That's when the bell rings.
ELLIOT A. RACEY
Okay kids! Let's all head to the
Gymnasium. PEP RALLY TIME!
JACKSON
But what if we don't want to head to
the Gym?
The Elliot A. Racey looks from side to side, and then throws
powder in Jackson's face. Jackson falls over, and the English
Teacher drags him out of the room.
INT. GYMNASIUM -- AFTERNOON
JACKSON and MIDUS enter the gym, and they look around.
MIDUS
Hey! It's Noah! He hates these things
as much as we do! Hey Noah!
NOAH HAWKINS looks up as the two walk toward him. Noah sighs.
NOAH
Hey! Go away.
JACKSON
We just wanna talk.
NOAH
And I just want you two to go away.
And for some reason, I don't see a
magic genie coming down to grant
either of our wishes.
They take a seat, and it's quite awkward. That's when Nicole
sits down, and makes things even more awkward.
NICOLE
Hey guys. You could cut the tension
with a knife.
Pan over to TENSION, who's standing against a wall with his
arms crossed.
TENSION
What did she say! WHAT DID SHE SAY!
RELAXATION appears.
RELAXATION
Just calm down. Don't do something
you're going to regret!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
18.
TENSION
Oh you're always telling me to calm
down. Well, sometimes in life, you
gotsa get ANGRY, to get paid.
RELAXATION
Why does one need money to survive
anyway?
TENSION
One doesn't need a fist to the face,
but if one doesn't shut up, that's
exactly what one's gonna get.
RELAXATION
And you wonder why you never get
invited to the Emotional Reunions.
Tension uncrosses his arms.
TENSION
Did Love say anything about me?
Pan back over to the group, where Jackson is watching the
interaction between Nicole and Midus intently. This goes on
for a minute, some casual flirting can be seen, maybe she
pushes him or something. That's when Val appears, dropping
down beside him. This startles him.
JACKSON
AH! I was deep in thought!
VAL
In order for that to happen, doesn't
the earth have to rotate backwards?
MIDUS
No, that's for Jackson to solve a
math problem. For Jackson to think,
we just needs a Solar Eclipse. That
or Haley's comet.
Focus on the center of the gym, where this tall lanky kid is
dressed in a Mexican wrestler's outfit, complete with mask.
?¿?
It's time to BEAT those Titans!
TITAN appears, and they have an immediate brawl.
TITAN
Sleep with my SISTER, will you!
More fighting. Cut to Midus/Jackson.
MIDUS
So Lame.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
19.
JACKSON
Oh yeah.
The brawl is still going on, and that's when JACK BREAKER
appears and whacks both men with a large trout. He bows, but
then security chases him and JACK HARMEN into Jack's time
machine. A few bells and whistles, and it disappears.
SECURITY GUARD #1
Dear God! They've gone, back in time!
SECURITY GUARD #2
They've gone... BACK TO THE FUTURE!
The first Security Guard smacks his forehead. That's when
the time machine reappears behind them, and Breaker/Harmen
exit. Breaker has on armor, as Harmen has a large sword.
They disappear out of the gym, before a large demon appears
out of the time machine, chasing after them.
Magus/Lillian/Kent all leave their seats and attack it in
the background.
SECURITY GUARD #1
You can't go back to the future. The
future hasn't happened yet, so you
can't go BACK to something that hasn't
happened.
SECURITY GUARD #2
(disappointed)
Stop ruining my dream.
VAL
I think this is kinda cool.
JACKSON
(offensive like)
You would.
Pan out to reveal Noah, standing there unenthused.
NOAH
What the hell am I still doing here?
Noah calmly stands up and walks away, presumably off of
campus. A cheerleader falls to the hardwood floor after being
tossed in the air.
JACKSON
I could SO tell that this was going
to suck. I totally have... what's it
called?
MIDUS
E-S-P-N?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
20.
JACKSON
Yeah! I mean, no, I do have that,
but that's mostly just for
highlights... I meant ESP.
Eddie Scott Poser appears behind them.
EDDIE SCOTT POSER
You called?!
JACKSON
Uhmm... no. I didn't.
EDDIE SCOTT POSER
You didn't? I coulda swore I heard
my name. Wait, did you guys mention
ESPN? I always get confused.
CONFUSION appears.
CONFUSION
Confusion say, "I heard my name."
EDDIE SCOTT POSER
Confused! I said CONFUSED!
CONFUSION
Confusion say, "Oh."
EDDIE SCOTT POSER
Go hang out with Tension and
Relaxation.
Confusion lowers his head in shame and walks away.
The Mysterious One and Titan are still battling, as JACK
NIGHT sits in front of the four friends.
JACK NIGHT
Man, this is pathetic!
(a light bulb appears
above his head)
I have an idea!
He runs off. And then returns, dressed in a full body chicken
suit.
MYSTERIOUS BIRDMAN
I AM THE MYSTERIOUS BIRDMAN! KAW!
YOU STOLE MY CLUCKING TOM JONES CD!
The Mysterious One and Titan both stop their battles, turning
toward the Mysterious Birdman.
?¿?
That... Tom Jones cd that's in your
pocket?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
21.
The Birdman looks down and sees that, in fact, it IS in his
pocket.
MYSTERIOUS BIRDMAN
KAW! YOU CLUCKING PUT IT THERE!
He attacks. Meanwhile, Jack Harmen is throwing snow at
security guards while Jack Breaker hits the other one with
his large trout. Behind them even further, Magus, Lillian,
and Kent are all doing battle with the large demon. Lillian
is on top, ready to deliver a killing blow when it tosses
her across the screen and into her friends.
All the while, Midus, Jackson, Val, and Nicole look on.
MIDUS
Our lives... are different than other
people's.
INT. SCHOOL HALLWAYS -- CONTINUOUS
The pep rally has ended, and that means the day is over.
MIDUS and company bail, but NICOLE sticks clear to Midus. He
pulls her over the side, and VAL stops to watch. It takes
focus off of her.
MIDUS
Hey Nicole.
NICOLE
Yeah?
MIDUS
I was just wondering. You know, the
whole homecoming deal is coming up,
and I'm just wondering.
He pauses.
NICOLE
What is it?
MIDUS
It's this acid that's in my back
pocket. I think it ate through the
bottle.
Midus pulls out the acid and throws it to the side. There's
a scream from a male.
MALE
AH! MY FACE! MY BEAUTIFUL FACE!
Midus eyes wide with a look of "wow," before continuing.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
22.
MIDUS
Anyway... Will you go to the Dance
with me?
CUT TO: NICOLE'S REACTION
END OF ACT THREE
Main Script Writer and Creater: Thomas Ford
Script Male-Nurse: Michael Renner