Generation LMNOP : Episode 4 : The Big Room w/ Lots of People
Completed as of December 9th, 2003
TEASER
INT. BLACK SCREEN
"If you watch this show and you suffer from Epilepsy, you
will die."
"Just kidding."
EXT. MIDUS' HOUSE -- MORNING
MIDUS walks out of his house, and catches JACKSON midstride.
MIDUS
Oh my god!
JACKSON
What!? What is it?
MIDUS
There's a hole in the O-zone layer.
JACKSON
What are we gonna do? WHAT ARE WE
GONNA DO!
MIDUS
There's... nothing we can do.
JACKSON
Are we going to die?
MIDUS
Yes.
JACKSON
Today?!?
Picture of the World.
NARRATOR
Previously on Generation L-M-N-O-P.
The World Blows up.
END OF TEASER
---------------------------------------------------------------------
2.
ACT ONE
INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY -- AFTERNOON
MIDUS and NICOLE leave off from their conversation in episode
3.
MIDUS
Do you... wanna go to the dance with
me?
There's an incredibly long seemingly awkward pause. And just
as Nicole's about to answer, Midus interrupts her.
MIDUS (CONT'D)
And Val!
He reaches off screen and wraps his arm around Val's shoulder,
dragging her into frame. She shrieks.
MIDUS (CONT'D)
Good ol' Val!
Midus gives an incredibly awkward sounding laugh.
NICOLE
I'll... see you there then.
Midus points with his free hand.
MIDUS
You most certainly will!
Nicole walks off, as Midus still has his arm around Val, who
has developed one of the most disturbed faces ever. It's
like she's been both mentally and physically violated. Midus
laughs to himself, just the same way he did moments ago,
before turning to Val and looking at her face.
MIDUS (CONT'D)
Uhmmm... sorry?
Midus backs away.
VAL
I'll forgive you if you can find me
one of those Men in Black pens.
MIDUS
Why? Want to forget this conversation
ever took place?
VAL
No. I just want to viciously stab
you!
She punches him in the arm.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
3.
MIDUS
AH! Stop! I'm weak like pudding. Or
the French as I've been told.
EXT. FOOTBALL GAME TRACK -- NIGHT
JACKSON and MIDUS are wandering around.
MIDUS
Wow. This week has gone by fast.
JACKSON
I know. With very little worthwhile
events happening in quite some time.
MIDUS
No good jokes either. Man, things
are boring. I wonder why.
JACKSON
Hey! I told a joke! Remember? About
the camel and the polar bear.
MIDUS
Yeah. I remember. But I said good
jokes.
Midus catches VAL and NICOLE walking their way. He panics.
MIDUS (CONT'D)
Dude... I asked her to the dance.
Jackson stares confused.
JACKSON
Who? The hot dog lady? Well, at least
I know internet mature porn is getting
one viewer...
MIDUS
No man. Her. I'll point.
Val and Nicole reach them, and wave. Midus jerks his head
over to the two girls, more toward Nicole, but it could be
misconstrued as either. They both frown, as Jackson stares
confused.
VAL
What are you doing?
JACKSON
He's obviously playing Night at the
Roxbury! See! I'll join in!
He starts bobbing his head alongside Midus, and that's
directly when Midus stops. They glare. That's when BONEKING
enters, a man made completely out of bones.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
4.
BONEKING
Excuse me. Are there any babies lying
around unattended?
They look around.
NICOLE
No, I'm sorry Mr...
BONEKING
BONEKING!
NICOLE
I'm sorry Mr. Boneking.
Boneking screams. He starts going on a rampage, throwing the
hot dog vendor up into the air. Midus leans in to whisper.
GUY (O.S.)
OH GOD! MY SPLEEN! MY SPLEEN!
MIDUS
(whispering)
It's just Boneking Nic. No the, no
a, no Mr. Just Boneking.
JACKSON
You can understand. It's his pet
peeve. That and people who refuse to
use their turn signals. He also likes
long walks at night on the beach.
He'd do the whole day scene, but
there's a bleach issue.
MIDUS
He also... well... likes babies.
NICOLE
Oh, so he's like Michael Jackson.
MIDUS
If Michael Jackson eats his babies.
JACKSON
Well, he does eat them out.
VAL
Eat them out of where?
The hot dog cart falls down in front of them, just an inch
or so from Jackson.
MIDUS
Damnit. So close.
VAL
All this talk about eating makes me
hungry.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
5.
Midus and Jackson snicker.
VAL (CONT'D)
But I'm not sure I have the craving
for hot dogs.
MIDUS
You don't CRAVE hot dogs. No one
even knows what they're made of.
Besides Nasa.
VAL
Oh? And since when did you start
reading the labels on food products
Mr. Inspector?
MIDUS
That's just Inspector!
Midus screams like the Hulk and lightly rips the top of his
shirt. Jackson golf claps after a short awkward pause.
JACKSON
Be terrified people. TERROR!
Jackson raises his hands, and then whispers to Midus.
JACKSON (CONT'D)
What do you expect dude? You're not
eight feet tall and made of purely
bones.
MIDUS
You're right... Maybe I'll get scary
if I go on a diet.
JACKSON
Only if it's the Calista Flockheart
diet.
MIDUS
Awh. But I wanted to meet Richard
Simmons.
JACKSON
.... Why?
CUT TO:
FULL SHOT FOOTBALL STANDS -- MOMENTS LATER
The four of them sit on the stands, watching the game.
MIDUS
Go random number twenty four!
NICOLE
Midus. That guys on the other team.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
6.
MIDUS
How can you tell?
NICOLE
He just fumbled.
MIDUS
Oh! So we actually have a good
football team?
NICOLE
Uh-huh!
MIDUS
I've been watching the game all
backwards.
(to Jackson, shouting)
Hey Jack! Hear? We actually have a
good football team!
Jackson is staring slack jawed at the cheerleaders.
JACKSON
What I would pay to be a thong.
VAL
Watch out. Some of them are for fat
chicks.
JACKSON
Why do you always ruin my dreams?
VAL
Cuz they're stupid.
JACKSON
Midus! She's calling me stupid.
VAL
No. I'm calling your dreams stupid.
I didn't call you stupid.
JACKSON
Oh.
Awkward Pause.
VAL
You are stupid though.
JACKSON
Midus! She's doing it again!
END OF ACT ONE
---------------------------------------------------------------------
7.
ACT TWO
EXT. FOOTBALL STANDS -- CONTINUOUS
They're all still there. Yes. Jackson leans in to Val, after
tapping her on the shoulder.
VAL
I'm not getting too close. You might
try to slip in a kiss and a grope.
JACKSON
No way!
(to himself)
Although that is a good idea.
Val sighs.
JACKSON (CONT'D)
No, but I was just wondering. Has
Midus been acting wonky around you?
VAL
Kinds.
JACKSON
I KNEW it!
VAL
He's been kinda weird around Nicole
too.
JACKSON
Damnit! You people can't make this
easy, can you!?!
He storms off.
VAL
What was this problem?
NICOLE
A puppy is being tortured somewhere?
MIDUS
Yes. If by puppy, you mean girl. And
by tortured, you mean... something
with sex.
VAL
Sexy?
MIDUS
No. That's way too simple. I was
trying to be complex here.
VAL
Complexually sexy?
---------------------------------------------------------------------
8.
Midus glares.
MIDUS
I'm not Jackson. Please stop riding
me.
VAL
I'm riding someone?
MIDUS
Not physically. Because if you were
and didn't know, we'd have more
problems than we do now.
EXT. CARNIVAL -- AFTERNOON
VAL is riding a Merry Go Round. Pan out to see Jackson
underneath.
JACKSON
I'm... in serious pain here.
VAL
That is the point.
JACKSON
Oh... well done then.
EXT. FOOTBALL STANDS -- CONTINUOUS
Same people. Duh. Midus leans into Val.
MIDUS
(whispering)
Hey, think you could help me out
with this whole Homecoming Deal?
VAL
It's not a math problem Midus. It's
kinda simple.
MIDUS
No. Math is simple. Concrete answers.
2 + 2 is always 4. This changes.
This is hard. So I need help.
VAL
Fine. Your place, tomorrow at five.
MIDUS
Course.
Mr. Ed appears.
MR. ED
Did you say horse?
---------------------------------------------------------------------
9.
VAL
No. He said 'Course.
Mr. Ed lowers his head.
MR. ED
Oh.
He raises it quickly.
MR. ED (CONT'D)
Ooo! Was it in the context of my
theme song? You know. A horse is a
horse, of course, of course!
Midus shakes his head.
MR. ED (CONT'D)
Oh... My bad. Sorry to disturb you.
He leaves.
MIDUS
Does anyone realize I just had a
discussion with a talking horse?
NICOLE
Uh-huh.
VAL
Yup.
MIDUS
That's the strangest thing to happen
in ten minutes.
NICOLE
Uh-huh.
VAL
Yup.
MIDUS
You two aren't even listening to me
anymore.
NICOLE
Uh-huh.
VAL
Yup.
MIDUS
GIVE HIM THE BROKEN FACE!
NICOLE
Uh-huh.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
10.
VAL
Yup.
MIDUS
I think we're stuck on a loop.
NICOLE
Uh-huh.
VAL
Yup.
MIDUS
Stop agreeing with me!
NICOLE
Uh-huh.
VAL
Yup.
Midus spontaneously combusts.
INT. MIDUS' ROOM -- EVENING
Midus is watching tv.
TV
Turn me off! TURN ME OFF! For the
love of God!
Midus gets freaked, changes the channel.
TV (CONT'D)
I said turn me off! Not change the
channel!
Midus let's out a small yelp, and does what the tv says,
just as Val walks in.
VAL
What was that?
MIDUS
Nothing. Wait. Huh?
VAL
Your mom let me in, sent me upstairs.
MIDUS
She certainly isn't worried about
"thee sex."
VAL
Well, she said to leave the door
open. Then she pointed to your dad,
who raised up this large sword.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
11.
MIDUS
Ah. Castration. Now they sound more
like parents.
Midus gets up from his chair. Val takes in his room.
VAL
The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?
MIDUS
They're making a comeback. They're
the Real Ultimate Power you know.
VAL
So I've heard. What do you want of
me?
MIDUS
Want... of you?
VAL
Yeah. You know, you asked me here
about the whole dance thing.
MIDUS
Oh. Oh yeah! Precisiously. Well, I
want to find something perfect to
wear.
VAL
Perfect to wear? Where's Midus and
what type of alien snatched his body?
MIDUS
Come on Val. This is something that
only happens once in a teenager's
life.
VAL
You mean four times.
MIDUS
Yeah... I don't see myself having a
good time tonight, and therefor,
will refuse to go to another for the
rest of my high school career.
VAL
But what if you do have a good time?
MIDUS
My magic 8 ball says "unlikely." And
you can't argue with the forces of
fate.
VAL
It's an eight ball.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
12.
MIDUS
An eight ball connected to God.
Val goes to open Midus' closet, and he motions for her to. A
bit of stuff is piled at the bottom, but it's relatively
clean. She scans through the shirts.
VAL
All you have is t-shirts?
MIDUS
What? You think I'd have a sweater
vest in my collection or something?
Val sighs. She shuts the door.
INT. JACKSON'S HOUSE -- AFTERNOON
JACKSON is standing in his kitchen, which is sorta falling
apart. Dishes are piled on the side, all over really. Junk
mail and trash litters everything, and a shelf's door tilts
off and hits the ground. He has on a stringy tie and a sweater
vest, which has a slight tear on it's collar. He looks down,
and sighs, before leaving the room.
INT. NICOLE'S ROOM -- EVENING
NICOLE is helping ALICIA get ready. She's also doing so
herself.
ALICIA FNORD
He said he's picking me up and we're
going to go to a restaurant first.
NICOLE
Classy.
ALICIA FNORD
Yeah. I wonder if he's always like
this.
NICOLE
Jackson? I doubt it.
ALICIA FNORD
Why do you say that?
NICOLE
Come on! It's Jackson. Have you LOOKED
at him lately?
ALICIA FNORD
I don't get why you're so hung up on
looks.
NICOLE
No. It's not about looks.
(MORE)
---------------------------------------------------------------------
13.
NICOLE (CONT'D)
It's about actions. I know I'm not
exactly the Pope or a finalist in
the Miss America Pageant, but I know
that line I shouldn't cross. Jackson
doesn't.
ALICIA FNORD
Which is like, hello! Sex appeal!
NICOLE
What is with the bad guy persona
anyway? I don't get why others find
it so appealing.
ALICIA FNORD
It's danger!
NICOLE
So?
ALICIA FNORD
You don't get turned on by danger?
NICOLE
Not really.
Alicia gasps. She fixes her hair for good though as she does
so.
ALICIA FNORD
That's possible?!?
NICOLE
Go fix your hair.
ALICIA FNORD
It already is.
NICOLE
No it's not.
ALICIA FNORD
It's not?!?!
She shrieks, and undoes everything she's already done.
ALICIA FNORD (CONT'D)
What about you though? Who did you
settle down with in the tea time
lawn chair boring kinda way?
NICOLE
I guess no one. Although I'm supposed
to meet up with Midus.
ALICIA FNORD
Going stag? I so don't envy you.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
14.
Nicole glares.
NICOLE
Thank you.
ALICIA FNORD
Oh! No sweat!
INT. MIDUS' ROOM -- EVENING
MIDUS is perched outside his window. Val's trying to talk
him down.
VAL
No Midus! You don't have to do this!
MIDUS
I'm in a sweatervest Val. A
SWEATERVEST! This is the only way!
Midus jumps out, and there's a slight thud.
MIDUS (CONT'D)
I guess my mom knew what she was
doing by placing my room on the first
floor.
VAL
Yes. Because most decision making is
done on the basis of whether their
son has a tendency to jump out of
windows.
MIDUS
Are you MOCKING this?!
Val shakes her head no.
MIDUS (CONT'D)
Aren't you going to answer me!?
Val rolls her eyes, and walks away.
END OF ACT TWO
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15.
ACT THREE
INT. RESTAURANT -- NIGHT
JACKSON and ALICIA are eating at a table seperated from
everyone else. In the background, which we focus on to begin,
is JACK HARMEN, JOEY MALONE, KERI LINDUM, TONY DAVIS, KATE
YOUNG, & TAMMY HARMEN
JOEY MALONE
It is not the fork you seek, it is
the aura of the fork that wills
itself.
KERI LINDUM
Isn't he just so wise?
JACK HARMEN
Keri? Totally.
TONY DAVIS
You ever notice how many Jack's there
are in our school? There's Jack Night,
Jack Harmen, Jack Breaker, Jack
Walker.
JACK HARMEN
That's Jake.
TONY DAVIS
Whatever. Seriously though. It's an
overpopulation of Jack-o-city!
JACK HARMEN
Tony?
TONY DAVIS
Yes?
JACK HARMEN
Shut up. We were talking about forks.
JOEY MALONE
We are not speaking of the forks
that you speak of. We are talking
about it's aura. Make the aura your
own. Bend the Aura to your will.
Only then would the fork be bent as
well.
JACK HARMEN
Joey? You're not helping.
JOEY MALONE
I cannot help you. Only the aura of
the fork ca-
---------------------------------------------------------------------
16.
JACK HARMEN
Shut up! I get the point!
JOEY MALONE
But is it the point of the idea, or
the point of the of-
JACK HARMEN
LALALALALALA! I'm not listening!
Tony whispers to Joey.
TONY DAVIS
I don't think he's listening.
Tammy and Kate get up from their seats.
TONY DAVIS (CONT'D)
Woah! Tammy. Kate. Where are you
going?
TAMMY HARMEN
To the bathroom.
TONY DAVIS
Oh. Together? Why do girls do that?
KATE YOUNG
Just to confound you men-folk.
TONY DAVIS
I knew it!
They walk off. Tony turns to Jack.
TONY DAVIS (CONT'D)
Remember that time I frenched your
sister?
Tony goes for a high five, but Jack just shakes his head no.
Tony doesn't know what to do.
TONY DAVIS (CONT'D)
Well. Fine then! Self high five!
Back to Jackson and Alicia, who are eating their meal quietly.
It does seem a bit awkward however.
JACKSON
Have... have you ever wondered what
your life would be if you were someone
else?
ALICIA FNORD
Oh! All the time! I thought of myself
as Latoya Jackson once. Just a hint
for future reference.
(MORE)
---------------------------------------------------------------------
17.
ALICIA FNORD (CONT'D)
Don't pick a B-Level celebrity. People
just think your crazy.
Alicia unfolds her napkin.
ALICIA FNORD (CONT'D)
Alright! Ruba-dub-dub! Thanks for
the grub!
JACKSON
You're... welcome?
ALICIA FNORD
I was saying grace.
JACKSON
You didn't say grace! You're actually
supposed to say the WORD grace.
ALICIA FNORD
Fine. I love Grace. And Will. And
the entire cast of Will and Grace!
Now let's eat!
Jackson sighs, and lowers his head.
JACKSON
Such a crappy show.
ALICIA FNORD
... What did you say?
Angry looks... head into Homecoming.
INT. HOMECOMING -- NIGHT
The gym is packed with people. So many people that hardly
anyone can move. Some popular song is playing, as we pan to
see NOAH HAWKINS, leaning against a wall.
NOAH HAWKINS
I don't even know why I'm here.
A few girls walk by scantely clad.
NOAH HAWKINS (CONT'D)
Oh... right.
He trails off, as we see Eddie Scott Poser yelling at another
student named MARK.
EDDIE SCOTT POSER
JUGGLE! I SAID JUGGLE MARK!
Mark is juggling a flaming baseball bat, a large sword, and
a chainsaw. He drops them.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
18.
EDDIE SCOTT POSER (CONT'D)
NO! I said juggle! Not drop!
MARK
Oh God. My spleen. My spleen!
EDDIE SCOTT POSER
I heard that earlier damnit! Spleens
are so ten minutes ago!
BONEKING is there. He's with STEVE the demon. They are dressed
in tuxes.
BONEKING
Boneking really doesn't get these
Homecoming ceremonies. Boneking means,
what's the big deal! There aren't
any babies here!
STEVE
Oh yeah. My thoughts exactly. The
least they could do is have an actual
buffet. Not this crappy... what the
hell is this crap?
He holds up a potato chip. MAGUS, LILLIAN, and KENT attack.
LILLIAN
Not on Homecoming.
MAGUS
Every big High School event it seems.
KENT
Oh God. Graduation's big. You're
saying I'm going to have to go to
that?!?
MAGUS
If you live till then.
KENT
That's low.
BONEKING
BUT! Boneking hasn't eaten any babies
today!
Steve coughs up a small baby skull. He makes a face of
"sowry." Before they keep being attacked.
YaPan to the top of the roof, where JACK BREAKER and JAKE
WALKER and AUBREY are sitting.
JAKE WALKER
This is so gonna rule Breaker!
---------------------------------------------------------------------
19.
AUBREY
What are you going to do again? Drop
the snow on the people in the midst
of this Homecoming ensemble? You
shouldn't do this!
JACK BREAKER
I agree with Aubrey.
AUBREY
Thanks Jack.
JACK BREAKER
It lacks originality. You should
drop ANVILS on them!
AUBREY
He's been watching a bit too many
cartoons lately.
JAKE WALKER
No. I'm doing this. You can't stop
me. It's my Senior prank!
JACK BREAKER
Bur you're a freshman. And you're
gonna run out of snow.
JAKE WALKER
Crap. Can't have that... Oh! There's
Jack. I'll ask him for more later.
PAN to ALICIA and JACKSON, who are arguing.
ALICIA FNORD
I can't believe you hate Will and
Grace!
JACKSON
I can't believe you like that crap!
ALICIA FNORD
What, are you homophobic?
JACKSON
Do I have to be homophobic to hate a
show that has a gay guy on it? NO. I
just hate the show because it's crap.
ALICIA FNORD
You... you... Nicole was right about
you! You jerk!
She slaps him and leaves. MIDUS saw the whole thing, and
slowly walks over, placing his hand around Jackson's shoulder.
MIDUS
What happened?
---------------------------------------------------------------------
20.
JACKSON
I told her I hate Will and Grace...
MIDUS
You're... you're kidding, right?
Time for some of Jackson's historic
wit!
Jackson shakes his head. He's somewhat upset visibly.
MIDUS (CONT'D)
Woah... what a petty biotch.
JACKSON
You can't pull biotch off.
MIDUS
Can to! I just pulled it off!
Midus pulls Jackson to head off the dance floor, but that's
when NICOLE walks into the room, amazingly beautiful, the
wind sweeping her dress up in the air, and Midus stops in
his place. Jackson notices his friend's jaw dropped, and
finally realizes who Midus likes. Forgetting about himself
for a moment, he shoves Midus into her, leaving off with
three words.
JACKSON
(whisper)
Dance with her.
Midus bumps into Nicole, and they have an awkward
conversation. VAL walks over, watching as it happens. And
she doesn't exactly look very happy. Jackson notices, and
puts his arm around her.
JACKSON (CONT'D)
Know how you feel.
Cut to the stage, where the Mysterious One has a microphone.
?¿?
Alright folks. It's time for the
official King and Queen homecoming
dance. This years King and Queen was
announced at the football game, and
they will have their first ceremonial
dance to... John Sander's loving
tribuite to Queen Latifah?
(whispers offscreen)
That can't be right!
The MYSTERIOUS BIRDMAN attacks him, taking him down.
MYSTERIOUS BIRDMAN
IN THE NAME OF CLUCKING COLONEL
SANDERS, KAW THIS!
---------------------------------------------------------------------
21.
As the Mysterious One is beaten by a large man in a bird
costume, snow lightly sprinkles from the ceiling as John
Sander's song plays. Jackson and Val dance, while Midus and
Nicole dance as well. A pan out to reveal the entire room,
the characters that we know are highlighted in more color
than the rest. And we fade out to simply hear John Sander's
song during the final credits.
JOHN SANDERS
Did I mention I have crabs?!?
Main Script Writer and Creater: Thomas Ford
Script Male-Nurse: Michael Renner
Song: John Sanders